Part 3: 10 Ways to Change Your Man into a Grump

Make sure your needs and desires are met before even thinking about his.

When you get married, you’re not alone anymore. This sounds like a pretty obvious statement, but in reality, this is where many people slip up, driving their other half crazy.

If you want a moody man, don’t give him any consideration. Buy whatever clothes, shoes, accessories, etc. that take your fancy without asking him if there is anything that he wants to buy that month. Perhaps he can buy something next month since the money has already run out.

How about going out? Make sure you only go to the places and watch the movies YOU fancy. Afterall, he can’t expect you to sit through a war film. But of course, he should sit through a romantic chic flick. EVERYONE loves those.

Make sure you always visit YOUR relatives when you get the spare time. You much prefer their company to that of your husband’s relatives. He can always speak to them over the phone. He won’t mind. Women are more needy afterall.

And the list goes on…

Friends. Try putting your other half first. There are times when my husband and I take ages on deciding on a place to go. Do you know why? It’s not because either of us are insisting on a particular place or activity. It’s because we want to please one another. I insist that we go somewhere that he prefers, and he does the same thing. It’s a kind of good disagreement if you know what I mean.

How to win in an argument

“Chris, would you just shut-up for one minute so that I can explain!” My boyfriend was getting more and more frustrated with me and I could see that he was about to blow his top. I didn’t care. I went on anyway, completely disregarding his feelings.

“I know what you’re going to say Michael. I’ve heard it all before!” I shouted. He exhaled deeply and his eyes flashed in anger, “How can you know what I’m going to say??? Are you in my head woman? You never let me finish what I’m saying. If you just gave me a chance to speak, you would understand my point-” “NO-I UNDERSTAND YOUR POINT BUT YOU’RE NOT SEEING WHERE I’M COMING FROM ARE YOU?!!”

And on and on the argument went. I was so desperate to prove my point, to prove that I was right and he was wrong, that I would just interrupt him, talk over him, shout, throw things, you name it, I did it. Did this ever work? Were our problems ever resolved? No way.

One day, we decided to get help for your problems and I learned some secrets to a successful relationship.

When the next disagreement came up, I behaved in my usual way. “Chris, can I just finish what I’m saying PLEASE?” Inside I was boiling but then I took a deep breath, looked at him straight in the eyes and said, “Sorry, go ahead.” He looked shocked and it took him a few seconds to compose himself. I guess he wasn’t used to me being quiet. Immediately, he calmed down. His expression softened and he looked relieved.

As he spoke, I actually started understanding his point. He talked and I listened intently. I wasn’t just being quiet, waiting for him to finish and thinking of a way to come back at him and prove he was wrong. I was taking everything in. And then I felt so ashamed of myself. All those arguments. All those fights. How on earth did he put up with me all those years? If only I’d listened, I would have understood him.

We apologised and promised each other to work on the individual problems we each had. He gave me such a tender kiss and hug after that. For the first time, I had given him the respect that he deserved.

When you don’t listen, you show immense disrespect. Even if you are convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are right, listen anyway. If it turns out that he or she is wrong, so what? Are you perfect? Work through it, forgive and move on. What’s the point in fighting and holding a grudge?