Tuesday, 7 June 2011
When you think you still have feelings for your ex
And then came the part I want to focus this post on. She said she was still in love with the father of her children. Digging deeper, I discovered that she hadn’t actually seen this man or been in much contact with him for 12 years. And then it dawned on me. How could anyone be in love with someone that they haven’t had a relationship with for so long? No, I didn’t think she still loved him. She was in love with the IDEA of him.
Because her life had been in such a mess for years, her mind was going back to a time when she was happy and that was when she was with her ex-partner and subconsciously she thought that she would only be happy if she was with him again.
This made so much sense to her. I advised her to focus on solving the problems she had and receiving the abundant life promised to her, thus creating a fresh happy life that didn’t involve this ex. She agreed to do this and was determined to change her life.
How many times do our emotions deceive us in this way? When hard times come, we think of and miss the ‘good old days’ of the past, somehow forgetting that things were worse back then. If you are married for example and you go through a problem with your spouse, perhaps your mind goes to your ex. Discipline your mind and start thinking of ways to solve the problem with your spouse instead. Think of an example that relates to you and see if your emotions are not deceiving you in this same way.
I caught up with this lady recently and do you know what she told me? Her ex called her out of the blue after years of no contact and told her that he wanted her back and that he was having problems with his wife. While he was speaking, she realised that they had nothing in common anymore and felt absolutely nothing towards him. She told him to sit down with his wife, talk to her and sort out their problems. She was so happy when she was telling me. It was proof that her emotions were just playing tricks on her.
The past is in the past for a reason. Let’s move forward to new and better things.