I’ve had a couple of requests to write about mixed relationships and the difficulties and prejudices. Of course, I can’t speak for all mixed couples but I’ll tell you about my experience, so here goes.
Friends, I can say that it’s been really hard. Coming from a strict Greek background, it was always drummed into me that I would marry a nice Greek boy and have Greek babies – just like in the film, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. That’s what I wanted too. I never imagined that I would marry outside my culture. The plan was that I would finish University and then move to Cyprus, (where my parents had already bought me a house), meet someone and start my cosy new life. But then I met Michael.
We had difficulties right from the start. The day I told my friends I liked him and that I was going to tell him, they literally grabbed me and pulled me back. “He’s not your type Chris, are you crazy?” A few days into the relationship, a gym buddy also expressed how disappointed he was in me. “I think you’re making a really big mistake.” There were stares of disapproval from people, and there were times that I felt really insecure about the relationship, thinking that he didn’t really want to be with me, but with someone black. It was the cause of countless arguments and lots of jealousy.
When I finally told my father about Michael, I was expecting him to hit the roof but instead he kissed me on the forehead. He was actually saying goodbye to me because from that day, he disowned me.
On my wedding day, my mum drove me to the church and I was fighting back tears because I wanted my daddy to be giving me away. I had to pull myself together and not allow anything to spoil my big day.
So why am I telling you all this? Relationships in general are not easy, especially in the early stages and dating or marrying someone outside your culture is just another added ‘difficulty’. There will be differences from the kind of food you eat, to the way you think children should be brought up.
Are you prepared for that? Are you prepared to compromise? Are you prepared to sacrifice what you want to do? Are you prepared to even lose family, as in my case, for your relationship?
It sounds like I’m against mixed relationships. Really I’m not. I never regret marrying Michael. I love him so much and our differences actually make our relationship more interesting. We’ve been marrried for 13 years nowand we’ve learned so much from one another. Although my father started speaking to me again, he has yet to meet Michael, but I know that this will change one day.
So, before getting into a mixed relationship, be realistic and consider what’s ahead.
Great topic Chris! I am a result of a mixed marriage, my mom is Filipina and my dad is American of English and Irish descent. They married in 1947 and the prejudices against them were enormous compared to today. My mother was a school teacher but was forbidden to teach in "white" schools when she came to the US as a new bride right after WWII. Though they did both share the same faith, there have always been difficulties in understanding each other's expectations that spilled over onto us, the kids. Of course I'm so happy that they met and married, and yet our family still carries scars and "issues" that were caused by the cross-cultural barriers that never quite got torn down.
ReplyDeleteInterestingly enough, both my sister and I went for all-American guys just like our dad because we feel that we can relate to that culture much more than to our mom's, although we sure do love the food and traveling in Asia. Even with a husband so similar to me, with a background a lot like my own, (my dad was born in his dad's hometown in Indiana!) we still struggle from time to time with our own personal differences that have nothing to do with culture or race. Adding that extra factor can put a lot of strain on a relationship, and if both aren't resolute in their commitment, it could be the straw that breaks the camel's back.
Very interesting subject Chris, many people do have this idea that love conquers all... but love doesn't do it, there's gotta be faith attached to it!
ReplyDeleteI loved this subject Chris! I am married for 9 years and even though we are from the same country, we were raised in a very different way, besides that we are completely different from each other! When we met we had nothing or very little in common (besides our faith) Today sometimes we even guess each others thoughts ! We had difficult moments but I wouldn't trade that for anything else or anyone else! He is the love of my life and I can't imagine my life without him...
ReplyDeleteRachel Paiva
Chris I also love this subject. I am Greek and I am married to an English man. My parents were like yours they brought me and my sisters up to believe that we would marry Greek men. As strange as it may sound, all three of us ended up marrying English men. We all love our husbands dearly, and although we still keep some of our Greek culture we have taken much more of our husbands English culture because, of course, they are the heads of the household. This works out really well and all three of us are very happy in our marriages.
ReplyDeleteBefore my husband and I got married we discussed whether we would follow the Greek culture or the English culture and came to the conclusion we would mainly follow the English culture, but that I should sometimes cook Greek food, play Greek music, keep in frequent contact with our Greek relatives, teach any children we may have to speak Greek etc.
It works really well and after 17 years of marriage we don't just love each other, we are in love with each other - it's wonderful.
Androulla Paddick
Ms Chris,
ReplyDeleteThx for sharing with us. It´s something that we should think about, using the intelligent faith.
Beijo!
I find it interesting how for most it is their parents intentions to have their children marry with someone in the same culture. I would assume that the reasons being is that there will be no language barriers, they will celebrate the same traditions and so on.
ReplyDeleteFor me interestingly enough is not the same! My moms desire was for me to marry outside my culture! She is disappointed that I decided to be with a Hispanic rather than an Asian, European or American. However, I am happy with the person I am with! =D