“Chris, would you just shut-up for one minute so that I can explain!” My boyfriend was getting more and more frustrated with me and I could see that he was about to blow his top. I didn’t care. I went on anyway, completely disregarding his feelings.
“I know what you’re going to say Michael. I’ve heard it all before!” I shouted. He exhaled deeply and his eyes flashed in anger, “How can you know what I’m going to say??? Are you in my head woman? You never let me finish what I’m saying. If you just gave me a chance to speak, you would understand my point-” “NO-I UNDERSTAND YOUR POINT BUT YOU’RE NOT SEEING WHERE I’M COMING FROM ARE YOU?!!”
And on and on the argument went. I was so desperate to prove my point, to prove that I was right and he was wrong, that I would just interrupt him, talk over him, shout, throw things, you name it, I did it. Did this ever work? Were our problems ever resolved? No way.
One day, we decided to get help for your problems and I learned some secrets to a successful relationship.
When the next disagreement came up, I behaved in my usual way. “Chris, can I just finish what I’m saying PLEASE?” Inside I was boiling but then I took a deep breath, looked at him straight in the eyes and said, “Sorry, go ahead.” He looked shocked and it took him a few seconds to compose himself. I guess he wasn’t used to me being quiet. Immediately, he calmed down. His expression softened and he looked relieved.
As he spoke, I actually started understanding his point. He talked and I listened intently. I wasn’t just being quiet, waiting for him to finish and thinking of a way to come back at him and prove he was wrong. I was taking everything in. And then I felt so ashamed of myself. All those arguments. All those fights. How on earth did he put up with me all those years? If only I’d listened, I would have understood him.
We apologised and promised each other to work on the individual problems we each had. He gave me such a tender kiss and hug after that. For the first time, I had given him the respect that he deserved.
When you don’t listen, you show immense disrespect. Even if you are convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are right, listen anyway. If it turns out that he or she is wrong, so what? Are you perfect? Work through it, forgive and move on. What’s the point in fighting and holding a grudge?
Hi Chris,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!
Hum Ms Chris,
ReplyDeleteThat´s so difficult for me..But I´m making my best to listen, not argue and he has seeing my change. But I must say, it´s a big challenge.
I´ve been learning that´s the better way to win. Every time I argued, I asked, I complained , he was far from me, he got upset. Now, I just pray, and God Himself touchs him. It´s a wonderful feeling when something boders you, but you dont say nothing, any word, you just pray, the day after he comes apologizing, waiting to talk...it´s really great.
We are still engaged but it´s a big step for me!
Thx for sharing you experiences with us