Christoulla Boodram

A conversation between twins in the womb of their mother

2012-02-19T00:00:00.001+01:00

"Say, do you actually believe in life after birth?" one twin asks the other."Yes, definitely! Inside here, we grow and are being prepared for what we will encounter on the outside", answered the other twin."I believe that’s nonsense!" says the first. "There can't be life after birth – what is that supposed to look like?""I don't exactly know either. But there will certainly be much more light out there than in here. And, maybe, we will be walking about and eat with our mouths?""I've never heard such nonsense! Eating with the mouth? What a crazy idea. There is the umbilical cord that nourishes us. And how do you want to walk about? The umbilical cord is much too short.""I am sure it’s possible. It’s just that everything will be a little bit different.""You are crazy! Nobody ever came back after birth. Life is over with birth. That's it!""I admit that nobody knows what life after birth will look like. But I do know that we will see our mother then, and that she will take care of us.""Mother?! But you don't believe in a mother, do you? Who is she, where is she?""She is here, all around us. We are and we live within her and through her. Without her we couldn't exist at all!""Nonsense! I’ve never sensed a mother; therefore, she doesn’t exist.""Yet, sometimes, when we are very quiet you can hear her sing, or feel how she caresses our world."- author unkown

How dare they treat me like that! Part 2

2012-01-19T16:45:00.002+01:00

Now, the question I asked in my previous post was ‘Do you know why YOU feel that way?’ For those that didn’t read the previous post, here’s what I wrote:

“You can't get over the way that person treated you. How dare they? They are supposed to be an example. They hold a position in the church for goodness sake! You say, 'God sees everything! God will justify me! God will remove that person from their position because they don't deserve it.' Every time you see that person, you feel so uncomfortable and all you are thinking is, 'What a hypocrite!' Time passes by and you just can't understand why that person is still standing there in their position even though you already reported them. Do you know why you feel that way? If you want to know, post here and I will tell you soon.”

So, are you ready for the answer? Now, perhaps you’ll feel a bit offended by what I'm going to say but I’m going to say it anyway and I hope you’ll understand.

The answer is because you are not looking at the bigger picture. ‘What?’ you may ask. Yes, that’s right, YOU are not looking at the bigger picture. Sometimes, we become so self-absorbed that all we think about is how WE feel, how much WE were hurt, how that person made US feel. Everything else goes out of the window, all reason and all understanding. How about taking a step back from the situation and thinking in a different way. Okay, this person could be behaving this way towards me for a number of reasons, such as:

They are going through a certain problem and have just been careless about the way they speak.
They were brought up in a certain way and it’s just the way they speak and they don’t realise they’re doing it.
They are trying to help me and wake me up to the truth.
They are not well spiritually and are hanging on by a thread. They could be lost at any given moment.

Let’s take a closer look at number 4. Let’s say the person is not well spiritually and is about to be lost forever. Don’t you think that God will do everything possible to speak to that person, to use people around them and even leave them in a certain position in the church in order to at least keep them in the church environment in the hope that something they hear, a prayer they receive might actually bring them back to life? Perhaps if they were removed from that position, they would leave the church straight away and be lost forever.

God always looks at the bigger picture and His number one concern is for souls to be saved. If you were not well spiritually and were about to lose everything, wouldn’t you want to get every chance possible to change? So, let’s stop thinking about ourselves and instead of wishing that that person would just disappear because they are causing you so much ‘trouble’, pray for them instead. Who knows, that is a soul that through your care and attention, you could actually save. If you’re truly a soul-winner, you won’t just think of the souls that are not yet in the church, but also about the ones that are dying in the church under your very nose. Perhaps God is showing you the situation because He wants you to take action and help that person. So what are you going to do about it?

How dare they treat me like that!

2012-01-07T15:29:00.000+01:00

You can't get over the way that person treated you. How dare they? They are supposed to be an example. They hold a position in the church for goodness sake! You say, 'God sees everything! God will justify me! God will remove that person from their position because they don't deserve it.' Every time you see that person, you feel so uncomfortable and all you are thinking is, 'What a hypocrite!' Time passes by and you just can't understand why that person is still standing there in their position even though you already reported them. Do you know why you feel that way? If you want to know, post here and I will tell you soon.

Could you be hurting others without realising it?

2011-12-16T11:46:00.002+01:00

There's a verse in the Bible that is often misread and when meditated on, it teaches us a really important lesson. Yes, I know, I know, you’ve read it 100 times before. But seriously, read it again and SLOWLY.

"Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift." (Matthew 5, 23-24)

It doesn't say if WE have something against anyone, it says if someone has something against US. It’s not us with the grudge, it’s someone else.

- How can people develop something against us? Here are a few examples:

- You're in a bad mood so you take it out on people around you and don't care if you hurt anyone's feelings.

- You're an impatient person and if someone that is a bit 'slow' crosses your path, you give them a hard time.

- You're a person that likes to speak the truth no matter what, so you blurt out whatever you think, even if the person is not ready for that and will be hurt.

- You give a bad testimony regarding your appearance, speech and behaviour or are too open saying, 'This is me and people have to accept me the way I am' regardless if you are hurting someone who is new in the faith or vulnerable.

- You promise someone that you are going to do something for someone, but you forget or can't be bothered.

- The person lends you something, trusting you, and you don't give it back

These are just a few examples. You can add some more.

Just because you may be a 'tough cookie' and are not really affected by what others say or do much, it doesn't mean that others aren't. Just because you can easily forgive or approach the person and sort it out when they hurt you, it doesn't mean that others can.

Of course, there are those people that will get offended at anything and are just looking for trouble. We can't please everyone. I'm not talking about those ones, but you get my point don't you? You see, we can't just live out our lives without considering how our behaviour or actions affect others.

The sad thing is, we may never know just how many 'brothers have something against us', so how can we reconcile with them? What if they never tell us? We are at risk of God not accepting our spiritual, physical or financial offerings because of our carelessness for the souls around us. Let's think of others always...

Organised and disciplined Chris to stressed-out Chris

2011-11-03T22:25:00.000+01:00

Well, I've not been here on my blog for a while and I was starting to think if I even had time for it anymore...

You see, I've had some new and exciting responsibilities lately, one of them being to host a live TV show every week night at 11pm and finishing at midnight. But the changes were taking their toll on me.

I'm a morning type of person, preferring to wake up early, getting all my work done throughout the day and only resting and unwinding in the evenings. Now however, after a busy day, instead of unwinding, I get ready for TV, makeup, hair, clothes, the works. It’s like I'm starting a brand new day, within an existing day.

All of a sudden, organised and disciplined Chris was all over the place. I was playing catch-up. The show finishes at midnight, but of course, by the time I'm home and have spent time with my husband (to look after my marriage), I've been going to bed a lot later. And because my mind is still in TV mode, I don’t drop off to sleep for a while.

Going to bed so late, I can't drag myself out of bed the normal time, so then I started feeling bad. I complained to my husband about not being able to wake up as early and he told me off, "What do you expect? Your day doesn't finish until midnight so stop feeling bad and just rest a bit in the mornings."

My usual routine had been interrupted and I was finding it really hard to adapt. I was struggling with things at home and was behind with everything. But the worst of it all was that I wasn't spending the quality time with God that I used to. My prayers were tired prayers and if I tried in the mornings, I kept being interrupted. I prayed for help to get back on top of things.

So I made a decision. I had to adapt to my current responsibilities instead of trying to do what I normally do. You see, the actual problem wasn't my new responsibilities, but what was blocking me was my state of mind and being 'stuck in my ways.'

So, do you know what I did? I created a ‘new normal’. My time with God is now often after the TV show, when my husband is asleep. I pray for myself and everything else too. I read, I meditate and so on. It's lovely because it's literally the earliest time of the new day. Then, I sleep in a bit longer than before without feeling guilty, then I start the day and work and do the rest of what I need to do too. I’ve had to rearrange my schedule, drop a few things that I normally do, and politely say no to a few things. I'm still very busy but I'm not stressed or feeling guilty about things anymore.

Things change from time to time and our usual routine will be affected. It could be added responsibilities, starting a new job, getting married, having a baby, moving house, and so on. The trick is not to panic, pray, sit down and plan out the best way and time to do things, see what you need to drop, what you need to rearrange and then just get on with it. Create your ‘new normal’ until the next challenge comes along... and trust me, there will ALWAYS be new challenges...

He refused to sit next to me

2011-09-27T21:11:00.003+02:00

There I was in church sitting all alone and feeling really awkward. Yet again, my boyfriend, who proclaimed to love and care for me so much, refused to sit next to me. We hadn't had an argument, not even a disagreement, but for some reason, once we got to church, he went his own way and when I tried to take a seat next to him, he said "we don't always need to sit together you know." I used to feel quite hurt and confused.

Michael grew up in a broken family, full of arguments and physical fights, so when the two of us got together and history repeated itself, he thought it was normal. Not sitting together was part of the package. When a person thinks something is normal, they accept it and just live with it.

However, one day, our eyes were opened. We heard the Pastor speaking about his marriage and giving examples of what a relationship should be like from God's word. So we accepted the invitation to attend the Love Therapy meetings. Michael started sitting next to me in church and then the next thing I remember clearly was him tenderly taking hold of my hand in one of the prayers one day. He hated showing any affection whatsoever in public.There was something different about his touch that day. I knew God had spoken to him and that something had changed.

From that day, things started to change between us. We learnt that instead of blaming one another for our messed-up relationship, we should look within ourselves and change what was inside. As soon as we started doing that, the beautiful transformation began.

Years later, when doing a service, he spoke about that day he reached out to hold my hand in that service. Yes, indeed God had spoken to him. That day he recognised that he never used to listen to me (something I'd been trying to tell him for years) and that he should change and look at his own mistakes. The difference this time was that the Holy Spirit was the one speaking to him and He has a way of saying things in a gentle, tender way, not accusing, not forcing.

When you allow God to take control of your love life, the impossible happens. He's the expert, He knows everything, He knows how to deal with all situations, He knows the right one for you, He knows EVERYTHING. Why wouldn't you trust your love life into His hands?

Join us this Saturday at the Rainbow Theatre, 232 Seven Sisters Road at 7pm for the Love Therapy meeting. It's time to be happy in your love life too.

Two massive events you can't miss!

2011-09-05T20:49:00.001+02:00

Okay, so if you miss this event starting 11th September, you have rocks in your head. Honestly, I'm so excited for everyone that is going to attend including myself. It's a time to go deep and get to the bottom of all those problems, situations, blockages and attitudes. Even if you think there are no bad roots anywhere, I challenge you to come along. There is no way this event won't benefit you. Check out the website http://www.therootevent.com/

Then there's the 'A different kind of woman event' on 24th September. It's time to be different, it's time to stop with all those things that hold you back.

SEPTEMBER IS GOING TO BE GRRREEAATTT!
See you there!

My smart God

2011-08-08T00:31:00.002+02:00

What we’ve been hearing in the services recently about using our mind and THINKING has really been opening my eyes and MIND. While praying the other day, I realised just how intelligent our God is. He has always been a thinker. How do you think He created the world?

I believe that if He wanted to, God could have created everything in a split second. But He took His time. He thought about what He was doing. He made sure everything fit perfectly together. Just look at how perfect the human body is for example and how wonderfully it functions. I reckon that’s why it took Him six days to make everything. He thought everything through thoroughly making sure no small detail was left out. And the result? Amazing. No wonder He needed to rest on the 7th day. Thinking is no easy job!

Even many scientists recognise that there is intelligent thinking behind the creation of the world, hence the term Intelligent Design. Here’s a Wikipedia definition of it: “Intelligent design in the idea that the universe is not simple enough to be made by nature. Instead, people who believe in Intelligent Design think that a smart being must have made everything. It is a kind of creationism but it does not say who the designer is. Intelligent Design is the idea that the types of plants and animals around us were not made using evolution.”

I think a person would have to be pretty dumb to believe that all that exists today came from a big bang. You just have to study one plant or look at one animal to see that it is a result of a thinking process.

My God is a smart God. My God thinks. That means we have to be smart. We have to think and thinking with faith transforms lives.

I don't want Him to be ashamed of me

2011-07-25T20:50:00.004+02:00

Why didn’t Gideon’s son kill those kings when he asked him to?

He was very young and he was scared because he'd never killed anyone in his life. It was understandable that he was afraid, but there was no excuse for disobeying his father and ultimately God. It's the same with us. God may ask something from us and we say, 'I can't do it because I'm afraid as I've never done it before’. God doesn't need us to have 'done it before'. He didn't ask if we've 'done it before'. He just asks us to do it and we should obey. Don't you think He'll be with us if we just go ahead? He sees it's something new, He sees we're afraid but we go ahead anyway. We go against our feelings and what's comfortable. Don't you think He will honour that?

But how do you think Gideon felt when his son wouldn't do as he asked in front of all those people? Ashamed! And the kings were even mocking Gideon because of it. Hold on, let's see what they said, “for as a man is, so is his strength.” In other words, they were saying that his son wasn’t a man. They humiliated Gideon in front of everyone.

How does God feel when we are too shy, too embarrassed, when we say we are too inexperienced to do what He asks? The devil is there laughing. I can imagine him pointing the finger and saying 'You see God, she doesn't trust you. She doesn't trust that you'll help her. She thinks she'll be on her own. She’s a coward! What an embarrassment for you. My children are far bolder than yours!’

As Gideon was ashamed, let's not put our God's name to shame. Whatever He asks, we can do, or else He wouldn't ask in the first place. And even if we can't do it, He will give us what we need. Just remove that mental block.

Think about this and apply this in all areas of your life, not just in the church.

What a revolted woman said

2011-07-06T00:57:00.001+02:00

I walked into the living room where the TV was on and something immediately caught my attention, so much so that my mouth fell open. It was a documentary where a woman was speaking. Her face was blacked out and I don’t know where she was from or what struggle her people were involved in, but what she said made me have the upmost respect for her. Her son was in another part of a country fighting for the freedom of that country. She said crying:

“I hear him telling me of how many people are being killed every day and the horrors of what is going on there and my heart aches. I want to tell him to come home. What mother doesn’t want her child close to her? But I tell him to stay and fight. If every mother told her son to come home, there would be no one to fight and if there is no one to fight, things will never change.”

Oh my goodness! Look at the strength, look at the sacrifice she is willing to make for a transformation. The sad thing is, she has no guarantee of victory. We however, DO, because God is on our side and will never fail when we make our sacrifice!

Want to know what God expects from you?

2011-06-29T18:45:00.000+02:00

It’s revealed in John 17:4. Read it slowly and carefully or else you’ll miss it:

“I have glorified You on the earth, I have finished the work which You have given me to do."

So in a nut shell, if we don’t glorify God with our lives, we're not doing the work God has given us to do – afterall, aren't we supposed to be followers of Jesus?

So, if your finances are a mess, if you are unhappy in love, if your family has been torn apart, if you’re not healthy, if you are empty inside, your work is not yet done. You are OBLIGATED as a Christian to fight for a better life.

And I would say more, if your life is OK, no major problems, you’re fairly happy, that’s STILL NOT GOOD ENOUGH. No one glorifies God with a mediocre life. Our life has to excel.

And I guess that means that our work will not be finished till the day we die because we can always do better – so no excuses for the older generation either please. You’re never too old or too young.

The question remains, what are we going to do about it?

When you think you still have feelings for your ex

2011-06-07T21:21:00.001+02:00

She sat and poured out all her problems. Her life was upside down. It seemed that every area of her life was a mess. She went on to her love life where she told me that there was a man she loved (the father of her children) who left her and married another woman. She herself then married someone she didn’t love, who was a lot older than her, just so she could have someone to look after her and the kids, but then he ended up mistreating her so it all ended in divorce.

And then came the part I want to focus this post on. She said she was still in love with the father of her children. Digging deeper, I discovered that she hadn’t actually seen this man or been in much contact with him for 12 years. And then it dawned on me. How could anyone be in love with someone that they haven’t had a relationship with for so long? No, I didn’t think she still loved him. She was in love with the IDEA of him.

Because her life had been in such a mess for years, her mind was going back to a time when she was happy and that was when she was with her ex-partner and subconsciously she thought that she would only be happy if she was with him again.

This made so much sense to her. I advised her to focus on solving the problems she had and receiving the abundant life promised to her, thus creating a fresh happy life that didn’t involve this ex. She agreed to do this and was determined to change her life.

How many times do our emotions deceive us in this way? When hard times come, we think of and miss the ‘good old days’ of the past, somehow forgetting that things were worse back then. Didn’t the Israelites do this some time after leaving Egypt as soon as they hit an obstacle? If you are married for example and you go through a problem with your spouse, perhaps your mind goes to your ex. Discipline your mind and start thinking of ways to solve the problem with your spouse instead. Think of an example that relates to you and see if your emotions are not deceiving you in this same way. Remember, God wants us to move forward because He has great and better things planned for us.

I caught up with this lady recently and do you know what she told me? Her ex called her out of the blue after years of no contact and told her that he wanted her back and that he was having problems with his wife. While he was speaking, she realised that they had nothing in common anymore and felt absolutely nothing towards him. She told him to sit down with his wife, talk to her and sort out their problems. She was so happy when she was telling me. It was proof that her emotions were just playing tricks on her.

The past is in the past for a reason. Let’s move forward and conquer new and better things.

PROMO - A multicultural relationship that beat all the odds!

2011-06-02T22:24:00.001+02:00

Watch 'Partners4life.tv' - Thursday 9th June

or My TV, Sky Ch. 219 at midnight, or at 7am Friday 10th June.

Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you…

2011-05-14T15:13:00.001+02:00

I was squirming in my seat at hearing something that I myself had been guilty of.

I was sitting in on an event organised by the UCKG's community outreach department on how best to help and support those who had been diagnosed with cancer. Although the speaker was referring to cancer sufferers her advice can be applied anywhere.

She said, "Cancer patients need all the support they can get but sometimes are embarrassed to ask. They feel very tired, down, overwhelmed at times... Sometimes you say, 'Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.' You feel good about yourself, thinking, 'Well, at least I offered. If she needs me, she'll call'. Well actually, she probably badly needs your help but doesn't want to be a burden. If you REALLY want to help, you need to be specific. So instead, you can say something like: 'Right, tomorrow I want you to get out all your ironing and I'm going to be round and 10am to do it for you.' Or 'Take a rest this afternoon and I'm going to pick up your kids from school and fix them dinner.' And be generous with your time. You have no idea what a difference you will be making in that person's life."

Well I guess we've all done it. Offer our help just to clear our conscience but then don't follow through with any action... I remember once when my sister (who lived alone) phoned me to tell me she'd broken her toe. She was giggling as she told me how she'd done it and I didn't really click that she couldn't move around, so the conversation finished with me saying those famous words, "Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you" but at the same time wondering, 'If she calls, how on earth am I going to help? I'm so busy!" She went a bit quiet as we said our goodbyes. A couple of hours later, I came to my senses and called her back and said: 'Right. Get a few of your things together. - I'm going to pick you up and bring you home with me so I can look after you for a few days until you’re better.' She was so grateful and even joked with me about our first phone call saying, 'I thought you didn’t love me anymore.'

We really do need to be more sensitive to the people around us and not only think about our ourselves. Perhaps you have a friend or family member close to you that is really going through a hard time and needs you but can’t bring herself to ask you. Take the focus off yourself and start looking for opportunities to help. No matter how busy you are, there is always something you can do. Here are some ideas:

If someone is sick, visit her and cook for her and pick up her prescription for her
If someone is overloaded with work, pop round and do her ironing or housework
If someone can’t afford to eat properly for some reason, buy some groceries for her
If someone is feeling sad about something, instead of just praying, pick her up and take her out for a coffee or for a meal
If someone is moving house, help her to pack
If someone has just arrived from abroad, show her around, show her the best places to shop for groceries, etc.
If someone…

Help me to add to this list. I’d love to hear your suggestions of how to do more than just offer your help. Perhaps it’s something that you’ve done for someone or someone did for you...

Little things that make my life easier - Part 1

2011-05-02T18:57:00.001+02:00

There are lots of things that I've discovered or been recommended over the years that make my life easier. These range from products that I use, to little habits I've formed, to things that help me to economise so I thought I would start sharing them here on my blog in between my other posts. And by the way, I'm not getting any commission on any of the products I will be recommending just in case you were wondering. :-)

So today, I'm going to start off with a product - my hand held hoover.

Okay, so I know it's not rocket science but this nifty little thing really helps me to maintain certain areas of the house in between my proper cleaning and is especially good if you're in a rush to leave your house in the morning but want to make sure you don't leave any mess.

It's no good for carpets but great for small areas of floor. For example, you can use it daily on your bathroom floor. It takes just a minute or so and keeps your floor dust free. I also use it after I've dried my hair as some of my hair always ends up on the floor.

It's really been one of my best buys.

My beautiful curly hair

2011-04-17T23:14:00.000+02:00

Up to my mid twenties, I had nice, thick, long, curly hair. Washing and brushing my hair was a bit of an ordeal as it used to take ages because of its thickness. However, I was often complimented with people often reaching out to touch my hair.

But I took it for granted. I would shower using very hot water, wasn’t careful with brushing but was very harsh, would not use any heat protector when drying it on the highest heat, and as for hair treatments, that was joke to me. Somehow, I had it in my head that my hair would never change, even with all that abuse.

But then it all started to go wrong. To my dismay, it started falling out and got very thin, so much so that I could now see my scalp, and as for the curls, they seemed to have just run away. Oh how I wished I’d taken care of my lovely locks.

Now, I’m doing what I was supposed to have been doing for all those years and I have seen some improvement but I’m pretty sure I’ll never get back what I had.

This is the sad reality of many with various things in life. We don’t appreciate what we have until we lose it, and therefore don’t invest any time or effort in caring or maintaining it. This could lead to a lot of regrets and even terrible guilt. Here are a few examples:

Your family – Kids, make the most of living at home with your parents. Learn from them, be close to them, they do everything for you so appreciate them. Parents, your children will grow up really fast. Make sure you spend quality time with them because it won’t be long until they will be moving out and starting a family of their own.

Your marriage – Your beloved that God gave you for you to make him/her happy. Don’t waste time with silly pride and arguments. Enjoy one another. Invest in your relationship. Have fun.

Your health – Your body is precious. Don’t abuse it by eating whatever you want and not exercising just because you feel okay now. It won’t be long before it starts breaking down and then you’ll be wasting time running around trying to get solutions to your health problems. And don’t think, ‘That’s okay, if anything goes wrong, I can do a Chain of Prayer for healing.' God expects you to do your part and look after the temple He gave to you.

Your finances – Don’t just spend, spend, spend without thinking about tomorrow. Spend wisely and on what is necessary. Don’t waste things, especially food. Buy what you need and use up leftovers. By all means treat yourself whenever you can. You should always put a bit aside for a rainy day or for when something important comes up.

Your spiritual life – The most important one. Now the 21-day fast has ended, will things go back to the way they were, with little time left for God in a busy day? The problem is, if this area isn’t looked after properly, if things are left until tomorrow, it may get to a point of no recovery…

I was so depressed that Wednesday

2011-04-05T23:36:00.000+02:00

I was in church and everyone was seeking the Holy Spirit with all their might. I however was still battling with depression and felt particularly bad that evening. I certainly didn’t feel like praising God at all. Some people around me were crying with joy. I was also crying because I felt so down.

I wanted to open up my heart and rip out that horrid feeling. I desperately wanted to seek like everyone else but couldn’t find the strength inside me. I felt totally out of place. When the prayer ended and the Pastor said 'Amen', I let out a huge uncontrollable sob, so much so that the Pastor called me in front and did a strong prayer for me. I felt like a failure and I felt humiliated.

However, I continued battling against myself and one wonderful Wednesday a few months later, the Pastor was preaching about the Holy Spirit and the penny dropped. I understood how important receiving the Holy Spirit was and in that moment, I believed that I was going to receive it that very night. In fact, I couldn’t wait for the Pastor to stop talking so that I could start seeking. Almost as soon as I started seeking, I was baptised and have never felt such a joy in my life. This time, it was the first time that I cried with joy.

Many people use the term ‘Oh what a day’ for something negative, to describe a really bad that they had and would rather forget. ‘Oh what a day’ on the 17th April will be a day we will NEVER forget! For those already sealed with the Holy Spirit, it’s time to reach new heights. For those not quite there yet, words cannot describe what you are going to experience. I’m SO excited for you!

Lucky Kate?

2011-03-13T15:31:00.002+01:00

She's good looking, has beautiful long hair and is marrying her handsome prince, a dream she's had since she was just a little girl. All eyes are on Kate Middleton, as she prepares to marry into the Royal family this spring and whose life will never be the same. Many are envious and wondering how come she has all the luck and wishing it was them. Wish no further because you can marry a King.

He will never harm you intentionally or unintentionally

You can trust Him 100 percent with no fear of any repercussions

He will never put you down but always cheer you on and bring out the best in you

He'll forget your past when you're truly sorry

He'll be ready to listen to you and talk to you any time of the day or night and wherever you are

He'll never be too busy for you and when You need Him, He'll come running to your rescue

He won't ever force you to do something you don't want to do

He will give you your heart's desires

He will always love you and think you're beautiful even when you're old and wrinkly

He's already given His life for you

Sorry William but no one can compare to that! I've already married into the Royal family and have Royal blood. Anyone want to join me?

Doctor Dolittle

2011-02-25T11:55:00.001+01:00

My sister calls me Doctor Dolittle as I love animals and also seem to be quite good at taming them. I just love it when an animal trusts me completely and shows no fear.

When I was younger, I had two canaries. The one I was able to tame completely, so much so that he would sit on my shoulder or head and sing his little heart out. I would often leave his cage door open so he could fly around freely and would give him all sorts of treats to eat.

The other was hard work. Although I made it a point of showing the first canary to him sitting on my finger so he would see there was nothing to fear, he still did. I would put my hand slowly in his cage with treats and he would flap around and bite me. I persisted and after a while, he would sit on my finger, but still biting me. I tried to give him treats but he would just peck at them. When I would leave his cage door open to fly around, he would sit at the entrance and sing quietly, never quite finishing his song. It was so frustrating. He could have had a much better quality of life if he'd only trusted me.

Isn’t that how we can be sometimes? There are people who have told me that they don’t really have friends because they’ve been hurt in the past. Well, this person is missing out on potentially great friendships. Just choose your friends wisely. There are people who are always expecting their spouse to let them down, so they constantly behave in a negative way and end up bringing problems into the relationship, therefore ‘proving’ their theory right. There are people who don’t believe in themselves and so never do anything about their goals and dreams. And the worst of all, there are people who don’t trust God enough to tell Him everything they have inside, all their fears, their doubts, their struggles, everything, so as long as they are holding anything back, they can never be born of God.

We can learn a lesson from the little fellow in the photo. He gave me his total trust and so in return, he got all the nuts that I’d brought to give to all the squirrels.

She amazed me

2011-01-27T22:10:00.002+01:00

Recently a church member asked me to call a work mate of his who was going through serious problems with her partner and was quite distraught as they were in the process of breaking up after being together for a few years.

I have to admit, I was a bit apprehensive about calling her as I’d never met her, and she’d never stepped foot inside the church, but he assured me that she wanted to hear from me as she was desperate for advice.

So I called and she poured out her heart to me, sobbing. He’d already broken up with her and had said that they would never get back together as he’d had enough. She wasn’t taking no for an answer and was constantly calling and texting him and even turning up at his workplace begging for him to take her back. He said he would only call her so she could collect some of her things and to say goodbye.

I listened to all she had to say and was very honest with her. I told her that the way she was behaving was driving him further away. She was overpowering, obsessive and very clingy and had basically made her boyfriend her god. That’s a lot of pressure on any man. I told her that as long as her whole life revolved around him, she would always have problems. I advised her to cut contact with him completely – to stop the phone calls and the texts and certainly not turn up at his workplace. I told her to get busy with other things, to get a life and stop making him her world. If he happened to contact her, she would be too busy to speak to him. She told me that would be very hard for her to do but that she would try. I also spoke to her about prayer and advised her to give the situation into God’s hands and she accepted a prayer from me over the phone.

She did exactly what I advised and more. When he tried texting to see how she was, she didn’t reply. She got busy, went to the gym and starting spending more time with her family. He contacted her to meet up so they could officially break up and she called me to ask advice. She was afraid that she would fall apart and beg him to take her back. I told her she would be strong and mature. Besides, even if it was the end, at least she had learned how not to behave be in a future relationship.

That same evening, she sent me a text to say that she didn’t cry, didn’t beg, and he ended up crying and asking her to take him back. He said she seemed very different and was not sure what had happened to her.

Now, my point here isn’t the fact that they got back together. What impressed me was that she followed all the advice I gave her. She chose to believe. It saddens me on the other hand when I see people who have been praying for years in the church, and have not seen anything happen simply because they haven’t backed up those prayers with action. Any advice they are given, they immediately dismiss it saying that it won’t work, or that they are not capable, and make all sorts of other excuses.

The young lady here reminds me of that Roman who impressed Jesus so much. He wasn’t Jewish, had never stepped foot inside the temple, probably hadn’t heard God’s words before, yet he chose to believe, and not only that, but to obey when Jesus told him to go and that he would find his servant healed. Look at the difference. Some choose to believe and obey, others don’t. It’s not about being perfect, it’s not about praying a lot, it’s about showing your belief through action.

You may be wondering about that young lady. Although apprehensive about visiting a church, she’s since popped in to speak to me about issues within herself. Though she’s not returned yet, we’ve been in contact and I know a seed has been sown because she’s now started praying.

2010-12-27T20:24:00.001+01:00

When your best isn’t good enough

I often used this expression in the past “I did my best and that’s all that matters” and I hear people say it so often that it’s almost become a cliché.

One day, I realised that even though I may have done my best, it may not have been enough. Think about this for a moment: What if your best, is someone else’s average or worst? Read the last sentence again slowly.

Take the workplace for example; you try really hard to understand the new computer system and you’re quite proud of your efforts, but then another employee comes along and picks it up much faster than you do and gets more work done in the same time. Who will be considered when a promotion comes up? Although you tried really hard, it wasn’t good enough.

Here’s another example; You try your best to be a good mother. You try to do exactly as your mother did and you follow all her examples. But you still feel that something is missing, like your child isn’t truly happy. Then you see another mother who has less experience that you and she seems to have everything under control and her child is happy and fulfilled.

This is the reason why people get very frustrated after trying their hardest year after year and not getting where they want to get to or not becoming who they want to be. It’s like they are always one step behind, even though they have faith and may even be born of God.

The fact is that many times, more is required from us. Let’s go back to the workplace example. It may be that you need to stay behind after hours for a while and practise using the system. You may need to do a short course to brush up on your IT skills, therefore raising the bar on ‘your best’.

How about the mother example? What you learned from your mother may not be enough to successfully raise a child in today’s society. You may need to read some parenting books, or get advice from another parent with children of a similar age to your child.

Think about what else you can do to get better in those areas of your life that seem to be stuck. This is the perfect time to do that. The new year is fast approaching and you really don’t want more of the same. How about sitting down and taking some time to think and then plan out the extra things you could do? Then you can start to dig around, discover new things, and so on. Then your best will actually take you places.

What not to do when you feel guilty

2010-12-13T22:08:00.001+01:00

I was speaking to a lady in church recently and got really angry at what she was saying. I wasn’t angry with her, but at how evil was playing with her mind.

I’d noticed that she was coming to church on and off. Some Sundays and Fridays, she would be there, and others not. When I asked her about it, she told me that the times she didn’t come to church was not because she didn’t want to, but because she felt guilty about something that she’d thought or done.

This is something so common and let me tell you, evil loves it. In fact, it’s one of his tactics, whispering things like “How dare you try to pray after those thoughts you were just having. Who do you think you are? You’re dirty and unworthy. You can’t possibly think that God wants to hear your voice right now. In fact, He hates you. It’s going to be a long time till you can pray again... “ It’s a terrible trap to fall into and the more you listen to these lies, the weaker and weaker you get.

Of course, if we are living in sin, we need to repent and start living a right life. But we are all prone to mistakes and doing things without meaning to. If we do make a mistake however, God is there with His arms wide open saying, “Quickly, come close to me. Get back on track. Let’s keep moving forward.” But instead, we feel so ashamed that we even find it difficult to raise our head and utter ‘Forgive me’. It’s not a time to shy away, it’s a time to pray harder.

When God reveals something to us, it’s to help us so that we can change and get closer to Him. Now on the opposite side, when the devil reveals something to us, it’s to accuse us and to make us feel so bad, that instead of running into God’s arms, we run in the opposite direction.

Let’s not fall into this trap.

How to become wise

2010-11-23T23:52:00.001+01:00

I remember once looking at someone I admired and wishing I could be like him some day. He made such a difference and was able to help so many people. And so I prayed, asking God to make me wise like that person. What a silly prayer.

Solomon was the wisest king that ever lived, but don’t think he simply asked for wisdom and got it. If that were the case, this world would be a much better place because most people would be wise. He DID something before gaining all that wisdom. He SACRIFICED 1000 bulls and because of that action, God asked Him what he wanted and then granted his request for wisdom.

We can’t just ask for wisdom and expect it to fall into our lap. Proverbs says that we should seek wisdom "as silver, and search for her as hidden treasures." We need to sacrifice our time, our feelings and many times things that come naturally to us.

Here’s a few examples:

Choose your friends wisely. Hang around with people that you admire for their good qualities and learn from them.

Learn even from bad examples around you, or from other people's mistakes - not in a judgemental way, but saying to yourself that you will avoid doing the same.
Likewise, learn from your mistakes and don’t repeat them. Don’t be like that dumb moth that keeps banging into the same light bulb over and over again until it burns itself to death.
Don’t let your feelings dictate your day. Even if you don’t feel like doing something positive or constructive, do it anyway and you’ll be glad you pushed yourself.
When you attend church, make it a point to actively DO something straight away about what you just learned.
If you get rebuked, don’t hate that person. Love them for caring enough to say something to you and then change, even if you thought they got it wrong.
Read less of the magazines and more of your Bible.
Instead of being on Facebook for hours at a time doing nothing constructive, or being glued to the TV screen, take time to read church blogs or inspirational books.
And the most important of all, spend quality time with God daily and allow him to guide you.

This world gives us an image of a wise person being old, with a white beard and living alone on a mountaintop, only visited by people looking for answers to life’s questions. Although the older you get, the more experience you gain, one can be advanced in years and still be the same foolish person.

The fact is, anyone can be wise, no matter their age. A wise person isn’t one that never makes mistakes. Proverbs 8:8 says “Rebuke a wise man and he will love you." Think with me here; if a person gets rebuked, it means they made a mistake. But the difference here is that a wise person will change and grow following that correction. As long as you’re humble and take action, you’ll be on your way to gaining more wisdom.

You’re ganging up on me!

2010-10-29T11:20:00.000+02:00

I really like watching educational programmes with an entertainment element. One of these is The Apprentice. For those of you not familiar with the programme, it’s about 16 candidates competing against each other for a job in multimillionaire Lord’s Sugar’s company. He gives them tasks every week and they need to work in two teams to get the most sales. In whichever team that gets the fewest sales, one of the team members is fired.

One particular young lady already stood out to me from the start because of her terrible attitude. First, she thinks she’s the best sales person on the planet. She wanted to take over all the presentations to potential clients and buyers and everyone could see that she wasn’t good at it, apart from herself. She didn’t listen to what the clients were asking or saying and just ended up annoying everyone. She hardly made any sales. If someone from her team dared to try to point out that she perhaps needed to change her technique, she would jump down their throat. Unbelievable.

Well, on this week’s show, she finally got her comeuppance. Her team and the boss finally had enough of her. She was fighting her corner as usual and when one of the management team told her, “Well actually, the feedback we had from the clients was that they found you really annoying”, with wide eyes she said “REALLY? Well, I appreciate the feedback.” It was just words, it was just the right thing to say because when she was fired, she turned to her two colleagues and whispered “Well done both of you for ganging up on me.” She faked humbleness. In an interview later on, she said “They wanted me out and they got their own way. They were threatened by me.” Still, even with proof, instead of looking at herself and seeing that perhaps she needed to change, she blamed everyone else for her failure. It was really ugly.

Proverbs 9:8 says “He who corrects a scoffer gets shame for himself…” A scoffer is someone that thinks he/she knows it all. In the same chapter it says, “Do not correct a scoffer lest he hate you.” It’s just no use trying to help someone like this. All one can do for them is pray.

So, if you find yourself saying these kinds of things, “It’s not fair… It’s injustice… People are out to get me… They are ganging up on me”… beware! You are in danger of being this impossible person and eventually, people will not want to work with you or be near you. Instead ask yourself, “Why did that happen?... Am I doing anything wrong?... Let me take on board this person’s advice and try to change…” You will be doing yourself and others a huge favour and you will grow and learn.

I find Proverbs 9: 9 & 10 really beautiful “Give instruction to a wise man and he will be still wiser. Teach a just man, and he will increase in learning.”

When He asks you to do something, don't delay

2010-10-06T15:47:00.001+02:00

I remember one of the major problems my mother-in-law had was financial with thousands of pounds worth of debt.

Before starting God's work, my husband and I were due to receive a large amount of money. After tithing and paying for some building works taking place in our church, (by the way, for you who think it's wrong to have lots of money, I guess its wrong then to be able to pay for works that your church needs), the next thing we thought of was helping out our family.

When we knew we were going to receive this money, I had asked my mother-in-law to write a list of all the companies that she owed money to, along with the details and the amount of the debt. She didn’t understand why, and I didn’t want to tell her just yet as we wanted it to be a surprise. I just asked her to trust me and that I wanted to do something with the list. She agreed. However, when I asked her about the list a couple of weeks later, she still hadn’t written it. “Mum”, I said to her. “Please just make this list. Something good is going to come out of it.” However, still the list wasn’t written.

It took a while for this list to be written. In the meantime, my husband and I couldn’t wait to help her. We were just itching for her to do her part. Finally, she had the list ready. We went to her armed with cheque book, debit card and a mobile phone and one by one, we called all her debtors and paid off all the debts in full. Her face was a picture. She sat there watching us with her eyes and her mouth wide open. She was so shocked that she even forgot to say thank you! It was a wonderful feeling being able to do this. But what’s the lesson from this story?

Sometimes, God asks us to do something that is not comfortable for us. He is asking for a reason. He has something wonderful in store for us. But when we don't do it, when we dig our heels in, we delay our own blessing. He just wants us to do our part first. Worse is when we forget or when we decide not to do anything at all. That’s a lost opportunity, a lost blessing. He says…

“Let go of this bad relationship you’re in and I will show you the one that I really want you to be with that will make you so happy.

”Get rid of this grudge that you have. Then I’ll be able to work in your heart and make you happier than you’ve ever dreamed.”

“Don’t be afraid to sacrifice to me. You will overcome that problem you’ve had all your life.” …

So, when you hear something in a service, or read something in the Bible and God speaks to you to do something, don’t delay. Even if it’s something that you think is out of your depth, and just thinking about it makes your stomach tie up in knots, don’t resist. Perhaps He is waiting for you to do that very thing in order to shower you with blessings. He so looks forward to giving you the best. He loves seeing your face light up when you receive something you’ve been praying for. Do you really want to deny Him that pleasure of seeing His child happy? Do you want to deny yourself a happy and fulfilled life?

Your talent

2010-09-09T23:19:00.001+02:00

There was one question on the appraisal form that day that really frustrated me. I couldn't think of anything and sat there with pen in hand, clueless of what to write. 'What is your talent?' Mmmn, well I guess I didn't have one.

The more I thought about it, the more frustrated I got. I'd never been really great at something. It seems that for some people they know what their talent is from childhood - a fantastic singing voice, an ability to draw or paint beautifully or to play an instrument and that’s what they focus on and even make a career out of it. They have their dream and pursue it. I often wondered how nice that must be.

I on the other hand used to have problems with choosing subjects throughout my education as I liked so many things. So when my boss got around to that question, I said rather dejected, "I don't have a talent. I'm quite good at lots of different things but I'm not excellent at anything." At that point he gave me a half smile and said, "That IS a talent. We always need people here that we can put in different places and roles. It's a good thing." I left that meeting really pleased and with renewed confidence in myself.

You see, talents aren’t always obvious. Everyone has them but many talents lie either unrecognised or undiscovered. How do you know if you are good at something or not if you haven’t tried it? The way to get talented is to try different things, and even if you’re not so good at something but you really like it, doesn’t the saying go ‘practice makes perfect’?

So stop looking up wondering and asking what your talents and strengths are. The more you go out there and apply yourself, the more likely you are to discover new things and you may surprise yourself with what you end up being good at.

She was my best friend

2010-08-11T20:56:00.001+02:00

I remember when I first saw her, I thought she was beautiful. She had lovely big eyes, a perfect smile and was confident, but I judged her thinking that she was stuck up for some reason. But one day, we ended up being introduced and discovered that we had so much in common. I immediately felt at ease with her and it was obvious that we were going to be close. We even shared the same birthday. We soon ended up being best friends.

We were inseparable. We studied together, went out together, stayed over at each others houses, I loved her as though she were my own sister. I was going through problems at the time and she would be the first person I would call to talk to. She was always there for me and I would have done anything for her too.

But one day, everything changed. There was a misunderstanding and I was accused of something that I didn’t do. I tried to explain to her, but she just wouldn’t believe me. I felt so down, firstly because of what I was being accused of and secondly because the trust between us was now gone and I knew I was losing my best friend. We stopped speaking for a while and all our friends were so surprised at what had become of our relationship.

But one day we sat down and spoke. I told her how hurt I was that she didn’t believe me, that she didn’t trust me. Hoping that this time she would listen, what did she say to me? “Look, it doesn’t matter Chris, I love you and I forgive you, let’s just forget about it.” Even after so long, even though I’d looked her in the eye and told her the honest truth, she still didn’t believe me. I knew from that day that things would never be the same between us. I didn’t want her forgiveness, I wanted her to BELIEVE me. We soon drifted apart and all I was left with were lots of photos and great memories.

Why am I telling you this? The fact is, I experienced a tiny bit of how God feels when we don’t believe in His word. He tells you that you are beautiful to Him but you look at yourself in the mirror and see someone ugly. He tells you not to fear, but you allow doubts to invade your heart and mind. He tells you that He is with you but you convince yourself that you are alone. He tells you to ask, but you say that it’s not worth asking because you don’t deserve anything better. He tells you that He wants to give you His spirit, but instead of being excited about receiving Him, you are anxious questioning whether this could really happen to you. He PROMISED these and so many other things. When we don’t believe, it’s as good as calling Him a liar, and if you’ve ever been accused of something that you didn’t do, you know what that feels like.

TRUST Him. BELIEVE Him. When He promises something, He means it. Humans fail and will let you down, sometimes intentionally, often unintentionally but He will always do what He promises. He is the One that you can trust 100% without fear of any negative consequences. If you just believe, you will do things you never did before and everything in your life will change. And the best thing about it all is that you will experience an intimacy with God that you’ve never had before.

Christian shop manager evangelises at gun point. What would you have done?

2010-08-01T20:23:00.000+02:00

She died looking into my eyes

2010-07-23T10:52:00.001+02:00

I wasn’t afraid when I received the call that my grandmother was sick. I’d completed Chains of Prayers for her and had taken part in Campaigns of Israel for my family’s salvation. I trusted that she was in God’s hands and wasn’t even thinking of flying over to see her. But then my mum told me that she wanted to see my sister and I, so we booked our flight.

When we arrived at the house, my uncle said to us, “Don’t cry when you see her. She’ll only get upset. She’s in a bad way and she only has a few days left.”

I walked into the bedroom and there was my darling grandmother whom I loved so much, looking pale and weak, the liver problem from years of alcohol intake, having taken its toll. I went straight up to her and gave her a big hug, determined not to cry and starting joking around to make her laugh.

The next few days were difficult. Although I anointed her and prayed for her healing, she was still deteriorating day by day. We stayed with her, kept her company, I gave her massages, brushed her hair and cuddled her just as I had since I was a child. As soon as I had the opportunity, when the others weren’t there, I spoke to her seriously about Jesus and she accepted to be baptised.

But one night, something awful happened. She started screaming that she was dying and she was absolutely terrified. It reminded me of the times I used to have panic attacks and how petrified I was. She kept begging my uncle to call the ambulance. The thing is, the doctors told us it was best not to call them anymore. They would only treat her but it would just keep her alive for a few days, and then she would go back to deteriorating again, saying it would only prolong her suffering. So my uncle didn’t allow any of us to call. But it was agonising to witness. My mum was crying with grief and my uncle kept lying and telling my gran that he’d called the ambulance just to calm her down. He thought he was doing the right thing and I knew he felt terrible about it. I realised that she wasn’t yet saved because she was so afraid of dying. I wanted to talk to her, to help her, but my uncle wouldn’t allow us into the room. So I locked myself in the bathroom, lay out flat on the tiled bathroom floor with my face on the ground and prayed. Just then, my uncle called me and said she wanted to see me. She searched my eyes, knowing I wouldn’t lie to her and asked with her voice trembling, “Is it true my Christoulla? Have they really called for help?” My uncle and mum were looking at me, pleading with me not to say that no phone call had been made. My heart broke and I was battling against my emotions but then said firmly, “Help is on the way Grandma,“ referring to the prayer that I’d said moments ago and believing that angels were now already there… and she calmed down and slept.

The next day, she was totally different. We were alone and she said to me. “My Christoulla, am I going to die?” “I don’t know grandma” I said, “Whatever God wants. Are you afraid?” “No, why should I be afraid?” Something had obviously happened from one day to the next.

And then the day arrived. I was at her bedside and we heard a change in her breathing. Immediately, someone called the ambulance. Blood started to trickle from her mouth. My mum couldn’t bear to watch and lay on the bed behind her holding her tightly and sobbing. I was sat right in front of her looking directly in her eyes and she, looking directly back at me. But this time, there was no terror in her eyes. Although she couldn’t breathe properly, she looked peaceful. “It’s okay” I whispered, stroking her hair. “Go to be with Jesus.” Then the strangest thing happened, a scene that I will never forget. I saw the exact moment she died. I saw the light actually spiral out of her eyes. It’s so hard to describe but I knew she was gone even though her body jerked slightly afterwards. I heard the ambulance sirens in the distance. Her eyes were still open so I gently placed my fingers over her eyelids and closed them. The ambulance lady came in, checked her pulse and gave the family some moments before taking away the body. It was done.

When it comes to family, we really have to trust God. In our prayers, we sometimes expect things to happen in a certain way – they come to church, convert, receive God’s spirit and then start serving Him, but as I learnt, it doesn’t always happen that way. My gran accepted Him on her deathbed.

Some family members that my husband and I prayed for are now in church and one is also serving Him. But we have many still unconverted. Does it mean our prayers weren’t answered? Does it mean that our Campaigns of faith didn’t work? Certainly not! I believe my family are already in God’s hands and He knows EXACTLY what He’s doing, and knows the right time for each and every one of them.

So don’t despair, or keep asking ‘When?’ Trust and continue serving God with all your heart, and He will take care of them.

Two problems with being oversensitive

2010-07-04T18:10:00.001+02:00

The Christian serial killer

2010-06-18T18:48:00.003+02:00

When a Christian was introduced on the soap opera Eastenders, I was quite impressed. Lucas Johnson seemed like a charming man, caring, loving and so concerned about his family and his community. He got together with a past love and refused to sleep with her until they were married. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Had a soap opera finally found what a true Christian was all about? I have to say, I was quite hopeful. Maybe just maybe, this would be a good thing for Christianity in the UK.

I remember speaking to my husband about it and he looked at me and just shook his head. “Chris, Chris, you’re so naïve. It’s not going to last. Watch and see how he’s going to turn out." “But he’s giving such a good testimony!” I protested. “Just wait and see,” my husband said.
And so I waited. For a while, I thought I’d been right. But then little things started happening. It was a little lie here, a bit of anger there, and then it developed into fanaticism, outbursts of rage, adultery, and this ‘Christian’ has now turned out to be a serial killer and the worst villain in soap opera history! What a great advert for our faith.

Let’s face it, Hollywood and TV are never going to portray Christians in a positive light. I So I guess it’s up to us isn’t it? We have to show the world who God really is, what it really means to be a Christian and what blessed and fulfilled lives we lead, starting with those around us. That’s the way we’ll get the message across.

Behind closed doors...

2010-06-08T18:34:00.002+02:00

This photo was taken outside the tube station after a meeting in our headquarters in Finsbury Park. We weren't married at the time and we’d been attending the UCKG for a few months and although we were all smiles in this photo, it was a different story behind closed doors.

One of the causes of our many arguments was because I never felt that my boyfriend was affectionate enough. I would complain, nag, cry, and feel sorry for myself. I just couldn’t understand how someone that was supposed to love me could be so unaffectionate. This ‘problem’ didn’t change for a long time until the day that I stopped demanding attention. When I backed off, things started to change. But the real turnaround came when my now-husband and I were talking one day.

I grew up in a very close family. My parents were very affectionate, showered me with love, told me they loved me every day, I got plenty of hugs and kisses, so as you can imagine, I grew up to be an affectionate person. My husband however grew up in a different environment. He grew up without a father-figure, with lots of family problems and although his mother loved him dearly, she would rarely say ‘I love you’ and affection was scarce. So my husband was never used to being affectionate with anyone.
Now what happens when you put two opposites in this respect together? Disagreements.

When I realised what the root of the disagreements was, I felt so bad. I had been expecting him to be someone that he wasn’t and had been putting undue pressure on him. I apologised and told him that I would ‘tone down’ my affection towards him, because honestly, when he’s close to me, all I want to do is hold and caress him. He agreed to ‘turn up’ the affection and we came to a compromise. Funnily enough though, he completely changed over the years into a very affectionate husband.

So, the real issue wasn’t the lack of affection per say, but the lack of understanding. And this is what happens in many relationships across the board between husbands and wives, parents and siblings, friends, etc. We need to understand that people come from different backgrounds, have been through different things in life, ARE DIFFERENT so if we don’t learn to accept certain things, to be patient, to sacrifice, to look with good eyes at those close to us, we will always have problems.

Thank God, now the smiles in our photos are genuine. :-)

Isn't it strange?

2010-05-26T12:49:00.002+02:00

Isn’t it strange that although in Pharaoh’s own words, “…the people of the children of Israel are more and mightier than we...” God’s people allowed themselves to be taken as slaves? They were more in number, they were more powerful, and yet, (unless I’m missing something), no mention is made that they even tried to fight the Egyptians so as not to be taken as slaves.

And the same thing is happening today. The devil just enters a person’s life uninvited, starts messing everything up with little or no resistance on that person’s part and he/she becomes a modern-day slave. No peace, no joy, no enjoyment of life and nothing to look forward to. Life is all about misery and suffering. If only that person knew the power they potentially had at their disposal, they would never allow it to happen.

The Campaign of Mount Sinai is an opportunity to kick evil out of your life once and for all, and reach your promised land. Unless of course you prefer letting Pharaoh have his own way…

Selfish, lazy Chris

2010-05-21T16:26:00.001+02:00

My parents did everything for my sister and I. They worked really hard as clothes makers and I always woke up to the sounds of noisy sewing machines, as they worked from home. Working from home? ‘Nice’ you might think. Only, they used to start at 6am, would take just a half hour break to have lunch and then work through until around 8, sometimes 9 at night, 6 days a week, all so that my sister and I would lack nothing. I often saw them nursing their sore and aching bodies.

As soon as my mum finished work, she was straight in the kitchen to cook a good hearty meal for all of us which we sat and ate together. Our fridge was always full to bursting with all the best food, we never lacked clothes, whatever we needed for school we had, they didn’t miss a single parents evening, they paid for extra private tuition for both of us, put us both through college and university, paid for our driving lessons and tests, holidays, took us to all our appointments, you name it, they did it. They also started building a house each for us in Cyprus. But it wasn’t just the physical things they did. They also showered us with love and affection, told us they loved us every day, and were just amazing parents and we had a great and fun time at home.

All they asked from us was to help out with the housework and cooking and go shopping for them every week. And yet, I often did these things grudgingly, just because I couldn’t be bothered. I didn’t understand or appreciate the sacrifices they made for us. I can’t believe how utterly selfish and lazy I was, not wanting to lift a finger to do anything. I would help, but always complained. My bedroom was always a mess, when it was time to wash up or clean, I would often disappear upstairs and if my mum asked where I was, I was always ‘not feeling well’. And so, exhausted, she would be there with my sister or sometimes all alone till late, finishing off in the kitchen. No wonder she would always fall asleep in front of the TV. I have tears in my eyes as I write this.

As a teenager, I thought I had the right to call my mum stupid, tell her to shut up and shout at her.

I had a year’s work experience when I was at university and was getting £600 per month after taxes. With no bills or rent to pay, that was a lot of money. Did I offer anything to my parents, or buy them anything extra special? No, I spent it all on myself and saved some for exotic holidays. They didn’t ask for a penny from me.

Since I found my God, I’m a different person now. The selfish, unappreciative, lazy Chris is gone but how I wish I could turn back the clock and do things differently.

So please, if you are reading this:
Help your parents out around the house with joy
Cook for them
Go shopping for them
Don’t answer them back, argue or shout at them
Work hard at school and make them proud
If you have condition, help them out with bills and buy them gifts
Do whatever you can for them
Pray for them every day
APPRECIATE THEM

I’ve apologised to my mum so many times for the past, but the funny thing is, she can’t remember half the things and says that I was a good daughter. What good eyes she had. The other day, something happened between us and she thought I would be really upset, but of course, I wasn’t and she started crying and said, ‘I don’t deserve such a good daughter like you.’ While I was comforting her, I was thinking, ‘No mum, it’s me that doesn’t deserve you…’

Is it really worth it?

2010-05-12T11:57:00.004+02:00

Read this verse slowly, more than once if you have to.

"If a homeowner knew exactly when a burgler was coming, he would keep watch and not allow his house to be broken into. You also must be ready all the time, for the son of Man will come when least expected." (Matt 24.43)

Is it really worth it to hold onto that grudge thinking that you somehow have the right to do so?

Is it really worth it to harbour those bad feelings towards that person because he/she gets on your nerves?

Is it really worth it to go around judging others and thinking that somehow you are better than them?

Can you really afford to keep comitting that sin and saying that you'll deal with it later?

Can we ever say that we have time to deal with such issues, when it's already been revealed that we have to deal with them NOW?

Later may be too late...

Two things I hate

2010-04-28T20:05:00.004+02:00

There are two things that really get me agitated. That's unreliability and lateness. But let me just speak about the latter for now.

I just don’t understand people who think that turning up late to things is no big deal. Here are some examples:

Work – Turning up to work late is a big no-no. You are given your working times for a reason. A 9am start means a 9am start. 9.01am is late! Yet some people come to work at least 10 minutes late, then they need to go to the toilet, then they need to make themselves a cup of coffee and settle in, switch on the computer and before you know it, it’s already 9.30. And then come home time, the person is packing up half an hour before they are due to leave. What a bad testimony. Don’t complain or say you are being persecuted if you are sacked, or never promoted. What lateness in the workplace says to me is: “I don’t really care about this job, or my boss or my team members. Don’t rely on me because I will always let you down.” Aim to arrive at work at least 10 minutes before your start time.

Interviews – If you’re late, you might as well not bother going through with the interview. You already have a huge black mark against your name. A piece of advice – visit the place of your interview the day before to make sure you know where it is and know how long the journey takes and add 1 hour on top of that to your journey-time in case of any delays.

Get-togethers/Meetings – You arrange to meet or visit someone and you keep the person/people waiting as though you are some sort of prince/princess that everyone has to wait around for. Be considerate, not selfish. Think of others, especially if you are going to someone’s house for dinner. You could ruin everything by your lateness and remember you are cutting in on the other person’s time.

Assignments – You are given a piece of homework or an assignment to complete that is vital for your studies. It doesn’t have to be in for a whole month so you relax and decide to do it a few days before the deadline. But then you find out that it was much harder and needs a lot more research than you first envisaged, so there you are, panicking and not doing anything properly. You even end up handing it in late and jeopardise your whole course. As a general rule, never leave things to the last minute. As soon as you get an assignment, take the first day to think about it, get some ideas together, brainstorm and then the second day, you should already be carrying out your research and be well into your assignment. This is what grade A material is made of.

Church – This is probably the worst one of all. For as long as I can remember, I’ve witnessed people walking into church late, and worse still, they don’t even seem to be in a rush, but just stroll in as if they had all the time in the world. What utter disrespect towards God! The ‘little’ things count with God more than you can imagine. And added to that is the inconsideration towards the people you are disturbing as you walk in and shuffle past. You could be taking their mind off one word that can change their whole life. Do you really want to be used in that way? And what about you? What about what you have missed?

Of course, we are not perfect and we slip up sometimes, we get delayed (although your daily prayers presenting your day to God helps with this) things happen, but besides that, change this bad habit if it applies to you and you’ll find that not only will you be respected and taken seriously, but you’ll grow so much. Try it.

Taking my breath away...

2010-04-23T15:31:00.004+02:00

I had a 9am meeting in London which meant I needed to catch the 5.35am coach to make sure I got there on time, so it was a really early start for me. I boarded the coach armed with my travel pillow determined that I would sleep all the way to London.

I got comfortable but for some reason, a few minutes into the journey, I just opened my eyes... and what I saw literally took my breath away - the most beautiful, glorious view.

The whole sky was pink and there was a blanket of mist on the ground. It looked so mysterious and heavenly.

My next reaction was to look around at the other passengers to see if they were seeing what I was, but every one of them was fast asleep. I felt like waking them up to enjoy what I was experiencing. I stayed gazing out of the window until the sun had completely risen, drinking it all in and silently talking to God. I knew that the memory of that sight would be with me for the rest of my life.

How many times do we miss beautiful moments and opportunities because our eyes aren’t open? It’s not a matter of luck, it’s a matter of searching. Searching to grow, searching to experience new things, searching to give, and the outcome is moments you never forget.

I almost fainted

2010-04-07T00:51:00.005+02:00

I used to go everywhere with my dad when I was younger. On this occasion, I accompanied him to a doctor’s appointment in order to change the dressing on his hand following an operation to fix a trapped nerve.

Just as the doctor was about to remove the bandage, she glanced over at me as if to say, “Are you sure you’re up to seeing this?”

My dad noticed and laughed saying, “Oh don’t worry. She can stomach anything. She watches operations on the TV and all that blood doesn’t bother her.” He was right. I did used to watch programmes where patients were being operated on and it really didn’t affect me. What could a small wound on my father’s hand do to me?

The bandage came off and there was the open wound. It was quite small but I could see the torn skin, the raw flesh inside and immediately I felt queasy. The room started spinning. The next thing I knew, the doctor had me lying down as I had almost fainted. I felt so embarrassed and I’m sure my dad did too.

You see, seeing strangers’ blood and wounds on TV never bothered me, but seeing just a tiny wound on my father, on someone I loved dearly and didn’t want to see hurting in the slightest, made me feel awful.

And this is an area that we need to keep a close eye on. When it comes to those we love most, we are more vulnerable. We are more emotional and although it might seem natural, if we don’t take care it can be damaging to our faith and to the use of our faith.

Any way we look at it, family pulls on our heart strings, but if we want to stay strong, sometimes we have to look at them through a stranger’s eyes for their own good and for our good as well. We cannot allow them to sway us into something that is wrong before God, we can’t allow them to put our faith down with their words, we can’t fall apart when they are going through problems. In short, we can’t forget to use our faith. Letting emotion get in is not going to help them or us.

So the next time you find yourself getting stressed out about a family problem, or feeling tearful because a family member has mistreated you, or feeling worried about them because of a problem they are facing, ask yourself. How would you react if it was a different situation not involving a loved one? So deal with it in the same way and use the authority that God has given to you. You’ll get much better results.

The reason I wasn’t getting my healing

2010-03-30T18:16:00.003+02:00

A while back, I managed to injure my back. I’m not sure how exactly but it was probably through lifting something heavy. The pain was unbearable and it was sooo painful to sit down. There were times when it was so bad that it brought tears to my eyes. Working in the office was so hard. I would pray, the pain would ease, it would come back.

I went to the doctor who told me the problem was in my coccyx (base of the spine) and he said that I just had to take it easy and take very strong pain killers if I wanted to. He said it was a very common problem and that I just needed to learn to live with it. You can imagine what I was thinking. NO WAY will I learn to live with ANYTHING negative.

So I started taking the pain killers and it relieved the pain, but as soon as the effect wore off, the pain came back just as bad. I realised that I would have to keep taking the pain killers if I wanted to be pain free. I wouldn’t accept that so I threw them away and determined that God would have to heal me. (I’m not advising anyone to throw away their medication. I was in no danger and the tablets were given as an option to me by the doctor).

After that, I noticed that the pain had just disappeared and I was so happy that I had used my faith for my healing and seen results… but after a few weeks, despite all my rebuking, it came back, although not as bad. I was even angry with myself. I knew the fault lay with me somehow but I didn’t know where.

Reluctantly and feeling a bit deflated, I went back to the doctor who referred me to a physiotherapist. She went through various tests with me, exercises and so forth and found that although I had strong abdominal muscles, my core stomach muscles were quite weak. It made sense. I would find it tiring to sit or walk upright. My sister told me off one day and said I stooped as I walked. It seemed too much of an effort to correct myself at the time.

So I started doing the abdominal exercises I was given and started to push my shoulders back when walking, and do you know what, the pain has gone completely. If I feel a little twinge now and then, I know it’s because I’ve been slacking and I immediately correct myself.

You see, I wasn’t doing my part. Yes, I’d prayed, yes, most of the pain had gone away, but there was still something missing on my part and that was to discipline myself to sit and walk correctly, taking care of the body that God had given me.

Some people pray for healing from high blood pressure for example and yet want to continue eating in the same way and doing no exercise. Others are healed, but don’t keep their healing because of not looking after themselves and just depending on God to do all the work.

So, if there is something that you have been praying for, for a long time and nothing seems to be a happening, check whether there is something that you haven’t been doing. We have to do all that we can do, for God to do what we can’t.

Winning the battle against shyness

2010-03-19T23:14:00.004+01:00

Something I noticed on the applications forms of many of the Sisterhood candidates was the fact that they mentioned shyness.

I have always been a shy person, hiding behind my big sister who is chatty, funny, outgoing and popular. From childhood, I was always the quiet one, preferring my own company than being around lots of people. Whilst the other kids were playing, I was in a room by myself playing with my toys or learning spelling on my miniature blackboard.

Even until today, if there are more than a handful of people around, I will go quiet. I much prefer listening to people than talking.

But this shyness caused me problems many times. I remember a time at University where I had to do a presentation in front of the class. I HATED being in front of people, being the centre of attention. With my heart racing, my knees knocking, my face bright red, I tried to speak and I made a mess of it. I wanted to run out of the room.

It’s funny, but people say that shyness and lack of confidence go hand in hand. Not necessarily. I was confident about what I wanted to say, but was too shy to get it across.

A few years ago, the UCKG began a new social project teaching English to speakers of other languages.The head of the group, Mrs Evelyn started dropping big hints about me being one of the teachers. I wasn’t impressed and tried to steer the conversation elsewhere. But one day during our exercise in the park, I could no longer escape. “We really need help with the English classes Chris. We have so many students and not enough teachers.” I would love to say at this point that I faced my fear of standing in front of people, but no, I made every excuse under the sun, of not having any experience, of not being able to teach, of not having time, of Saturday being the only day that I had a bit of time to rest and spend with my husband, but the reality was, I just didn’t want to stand up in front of people and talk. In the end, I didn’t really have much choice. I know…that’s terrible on my part. What a willing servant I was.

And so the day came when I was there standing in front of almost 40 students looking at me expectantly. That old feeling of wanting to run out came again, but I took a deep breath and just started talking. And do you know what? The nerves went and I actually quite enjoyed myself.

Since the English classes, I have also been on 2 different live TV shows, presented a women’s TV show, and have hosted 2 conventions. I would love to tell you that I’m no longer a shy person. I still very much am although when I tell my friends this, they don’t believe me saying things like, “But you’ve done TV!” My stomach will still be jumping, my face will still be red... but once I start talking, it’s okay because I know that what I’m doing is for God and He always helps me.

You see, it’s okay to be shy. But you shouldn’t let it overtake you or stop you from progressing in your life and especially by being used by God. Don’t we say in our prayers, ‘Lord, use me, help me to do more for You’? So stop letting your shyness win and go for it!

I cried myself to sleep...

2010-03-08T17:49:00.007+01:00

Soon after the alarm went off, I looked over at my love to see if he was awake. His eyes were open but he looked deep in thought. "Good morning baby," I said as I leaned over to plant a kiss on his lips. He didn’t move, he didn’t respond. He didn’t even look at me. ‘It’s probably because he’s just woken up' I thought. I left him laying there looking up at the ceiling and went to shower. I then hurried downstairs to prepare breakfast while he showered, his simple favourite, eggs and soldiers.

He came down the stairs and sat at the table. I smiled, trying to make eye contact with him. I briefly caught his eye, but he quickly looked away, as though he didn’t want to look at me. This made me so sad. I tried to make light conversation, and all I got in return was an odd grunt. He seemed miles away. I started to think that I must have done something seriously wrong and wracked my brains trying to think of what on earth I’d done to upset him but I just couldn’t remember anything. I knew that if I would ask him what was wrong, it would just make matters worse so I just kept quiet.

“Have a good day,” I said as he walked out the front door. “Thanks,” he replied.

I thought about him all day. I tried to think of more ways I could please him, how I could get him to take notice of me. I was feeling a bit delicate that day and really needed a hug. I missed him. I missed talking and laughing with him. You see, this wasn’t a one-off. This had been happening for months. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him.

Later that night when we were in bed, he turned his back to me. I huddled up close and put my arms around him, yearning for some warmth and affection. “I love you,” I whispered. “I’m tired and I need to wake up early,” he replied coldly. Wounded to the core, I turned around and cried myself to sleep...

How would you feel if the most important person in your life treated you in this way? The above story thank goodness is fictitious, but it illustrates the way we treat God when we don’t put Him first in our life, when we go about our day as though He doesn’t even exist. It’s like waking up and not even uttering a prayer to thank Him for the new day. It’s like going about our whole day ignoring Him when He is longing to spend time with his dear child. He is there waiting with open arms as we scurry around speaking to everyone and anyone except for Him. It’s like when we are in a church service and we are there physically, but our mind is far far away. It’s like making decisions about our life without even bothering to speak to Him about them. It’s when He’s remembered only as the day is coming to an end and we just about yawn a prayer as we close our eyes and fall asleep.

That’s why I make it a point of waking up early in the morning to spend quality time with my God. My daily schedule always seems to be jam-packed, busy from morning to evening and I know that if I don’t spend time with Him first thing in the morning, I probably won’t give my 100%. There’s just something about doing this first thing that makes your whole day better and more productive too.

Perhaps you prefer a different time in the day that’s better for you. Just make sure you do have this personal one-to-one daily. Make Him the centre of your life and everything you do will prosper.

Hot Ferrero Rocher

2010-02-28T23:57:00.004+01:00

I saw the milkshake shop open months ago and was given a leaflet advertising a large selection of its shakes, but I always thought, who on earth would want a cold milkshake when the weather’s so cold? So I was never interested, not even when I saw someone dressed as a milkshake walking up and down the Town Centre giving out leaflets.

But last week, the human milkshake was holding a banner saying… IMAGINE… HOT FERRERO ROCHER, HOT CADBURY’S CREAM EGG, HOT SNICKERS…

The invitation to imagine hot Ferrero Rocher was too much for me. This is one of my favourite chocolates, and I also love hot chocolate, so the two together? Oh my. I could actually taste it. Could I really resist that? As you can see from the photo, the answer’s no.

That’s the power of imagination for you. I’ve heard people say things like, “I can’t imagine being happily married.” “I can’t imagine being healed of this disease/pain”, “I can’t imagine being rich”, “I can’t imagine not being depressed,” and so on. But that’s the problem. When we want something good for our life, we HAVE to imagine having it or else it will seem unachievable. You see, our mind is a really powerful thing. If you can imagine something, you can almost see it, feel it, taste it, touch it. This will make you really want it, and when this happens, you will do whatever it takes to have it.

So think about what you want to achieve. Can you see it? How does it make you feel? Happy? Content? Blessed? Like shouting from a rooftop? So what are you waiting for? Now go get it!

P.S. My verdict on the hot Ferrero Rocher? Well, it was quite nice but not as nice as I thought it would be unfortunately… or rather fortunately for me, or else I would be having to fight an addiction. But trust me, what God has in store for you will not disappoint, it will exceed your expectations. :-)

A message that shocked me!

2010-02-19T13:22:00.005+01:00

I know that nothing in this world should shock me anymore but this did.
Last night, an instant message popped up on my SKYPE. I didn’t know who the person was so I just switched off my laptop. Then this morning, I read the message and here’s what it said. Are you ready?

“There are thousands of unhappy married women and men in every city, but they DO NOT want to leave their spouse. They want to stay married, but they want to have an affair without ever being caught. Our dating community is extremely popular!
Having an affair can be stressful because you never know if the other person involved is going to get attached to you. You just want to have an intimate encounter and nothing else.

"A great thing about this Dating Community For Married People is that there is no cost to join. You can check it out, see if you like it, and then begin contacting married people for secret intimate encounters.

"Press here if you want to have an affair with a married person.”

Can you believe it? I was so disgusted. So, if your marriage isn’t working out, don’t try to fix it, just have an affair? Come on! Is that going to solve anything?

I know that when you are in the middle of a marriage problem, it can seem that you will never be able to work out your differences, that things have just gone too far to ever be able to get that love and intimacy back again. But it IS possible. You need to stop using emotion and step outside the situation to see what you can start changing. How?

Well, for a start, you’re not alone. So many couples’ relationships have been healed from attending the UCKG's Love Therapy programme, including my own! Here’s another one if you’re in Texas.

Don’t be ashamed to admit you are having problems, no matter who you are. Sometimes just a little push in the right direction can make all the difference.

When will I get a decent night's sleep?!

2010-02-15T16:37:00.006+01:00

I’m jolted out of my sleep by a loud, piercing scream. I lay there afraid for a few moments, my heart pounding, not knowing where I am and then, I hear a loud burst of laughter. It’s okay. It’s the noise outside again. It takes me ages to doze off.

We live right in the middle of two clubs that are open till the early hours of the morning, almost every night. When the outdoor disco is on, the music is so loud that the windows vibrate, and I wonder why I wake up the next morning with the latest club song in my head. After the music come the arguments and fights right outside our window by the clubbers who are now completely drunk. And following that, it’s the workers emptying out crate loads of empty bottles in the bins, you guessed it, right outside our window! And if we try to sleep in a little later to make up for our lack of sleep during the night, we can’t because around 6 or 7am, the huge delivery trucks come to deliver beer barrels that make a loud booming noise as they are dropped carelessly on the ground. Forget a lunchtime nap. That’s when people are sitting outside enjoying a beer and talking REALLY loud. I’ve tried ear plugs, pillows over my head, everything. AHHHHHHHHHHH!

Although I can fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, I am a very light sleeper and most noises will wake me up. The first few weeks were terrible for me. There would be times where I would sit up in bed and shout, “I can’t take this anymore!”

But don’t worry, this is not a post to moan and complain, because would you believe, after a while, I started getting used to the noise? Many times, I’ve even slept through some of it. Sometimes, I don’t wake up at all.

But unfortunately, this is how people sometimes react to problems. They are in a situation that they know is bad for them, an abusive relationship, a serious health problem, strange paranormal activity, etc. and because they’ve been going through it for so long, because they can’t see any way out, because they think they’ve tried everything to solve it, they just learn to live with it. They get used to it. Occasionally, when it gets really bad they say, “I can’t take it anymore!” but soon, it’s just back to the normal acceptance mode.

It needn’t be a problem either per say. It could be a grudge, a wrong attitude, or some other negative trait, but again, they live with it side by side like buddies.

Don’t get used to problems or you will never fight to overthrow them. Don’t learn to live with things about yourself that make you feel bad. There is ALWAYS a way out.

And as for our little noise problem, this is being resolved as I’m writing this. I’m looking forward to bedtime!:-)

Why do people judge me?

2010-02-09T13:47:00.004+01:00

“Why do I get judged so much?” she complained. "I don’t understand it. People get me so wrong and I don’t know why. If I try to help someone with something, I get accused of trying to take over and be bossy. If I work hard to achieve something so I can help others, I soon hear that people are calling me proud. I’m so fed up of people not understanding who I really am!”

I could see how sad she was, how frustrated she felt at being misjudged all the time. I could have told her not to worry about what people said about her, that it didn’t matter as long as she knew she was right before God, that there would always be people that would misunderstand her, but she knew all that already. I felt something deeper was needed.

So I showed her something in the Bible. “Judge not that you be not judged. For with what judgement you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.”

“But I don’t judge people,” she protested. “I always try to look at people with good eyes.” “Really?”, I asked. “Think about it…” She was quiet for a while, and I could see she was deep in thought, so I left her like that for a while.

It wasn’t long before she admitted that she was indeed guilty of sometimes judging others. If people weren’t doing as much as she was, she started to think they were lazy. If a friend was unusually quiet around her, she assumed she was upset with her about something… so many little things like that, but that was just the problem. They weren’t little.

Although it was hard to look at herself and admit she was judgemental, when she did, a big weight was lifted from her and so she changed and was so blessed because of that. And after that, she watched herself closely (and still does) and if she finds herself tempted to do the same thing again, she corrects herself.

By the way, this story above was a conversation I had with myself one day. :-)

When we dig deep, we can find some ugly things, but isn’t it great when we learn from our mistakes?

Some nice things you can do with scarves

2010-02-06T22:40:00.004+01:00

A sign of pride

2010-01-22T15:29:00.012+01:00

"You say that about me, but what about what YOU did? What about what YOU said? What about what YOU'RE like?"

Have you ever heard words like this from someone? Actually, have you ever said or even thought words like this? If so, beware. It could be a sign of pride.

I don't think anyone enjoys having their faults pointed out to them and the natural tendency, the emotional way of reacting, is to go on the defensive and immediately try to find an excuse, a reason to prove that the person is wrong.

If a person genuinely wants to help you, it takes a lot for them to approach you and tell you that you're wrong, so when it does happen, you should cherish that friend. Of course, I'm not talking about those types of people that try to find fault with anything just to put you down, I'm talking about people that genuinely want to help you.

The thing is, if people see that you are a difficult person to approach, that you just won't accept correction, they just won't bother and you will be losing so many opportunities to learn and grow.

Opportunities to learn are all around us. We can learn from anything or anyone. The Bible says, "...look at an ant. Watch it closely; let it teach you a thing or two. Nobody has to tell it what to do. All summer it stores up food; at harvest it stockpiles provisions."

Imagine that! We can learn from a teeny tiny little insect. An ant can 'show us a thing or two.' Isn't that amazing? Now imagine what we can learn from each other.

Still think you're too good for correction?

Don't you look sexy?

2010-01-19T13:27:00.006+01:00

"Don't you look sexy!" I heard her say. "You look soooo sexy don't you?"
I was sitting on a shop sofa waiting for my husband and I turned around to look at who the lady was talking to. And there she was. She had just tried on a new pair of boots and her eyes were shining with excitement. She was walking and looking down at the boots at the same time, almost tripping over. She was smiling and giggling as she was so delighted with the compliments she was getting.

And guess what? She couldn't have been more than TWO YEARS OLD!!!. And then her mother repeated again, "Don't you look sexy? Hey? Don't you look sexy?" It would be an understatement to say that I felt like shoving a sock in the mother's mouth to stop calling this baby sexy. There were so many other words she could have used: Cute, pretty, adorable even? But sexy??!! What is this child going to grow up thinking?

And this is the way society is going: To be accepted, to be admired, you have to be sexy, you have to look sexy. Well actually, this is the fastest way to lose respect and get a bad reputation. You'll attract the wrong kind of attention and then wonder what on earth is going on.

Let's cheer for the SISTERHOOD!

2010-01-13T22:34:00.005+01:00

Imagine stepping into someone's house for the first time. Your first impression of that place is that it's neat and tidy. Everything seems to be in its place. But then you take a closer look. You look inside the wardrobe and see that it's dirty and full to almost-bursting with junk. You take a look under the sofa and there is a thick layer of dust making it obvious that it hasn't been cleaned properly in weeks.

This house belongs to someone who either doesn't know how to clean properly or is only concerned about things on the surface, things that are visible to the human eye.

"You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matthew 5:27,28)

You see, it's no use making sure that everything is okay on the outside and not examining what's really going on deep down on the inside. Sure, you behave well, you're discreet and polite, you never lose your temper, you're really helpful at home, at work, in church and everywhere you go. But how is your heart? What is going on in your mind?

When that person annoys you, are you entertaining all sorts of horrible thoughts about him/her? Are you secretly wishing that he/she'll get shamed up one day?

When you try your best at work, are you just after that promotion and once you get it, you'll go back to normal?

When you help out at home, are you just doing it to get rewarded by your parents?

When you go to church, are you just 'showing your face' so no one talks about you, are you just fulfilling an obligation and don't really want to be there?

Let's always examine our motives for everything to keep ourselves in check. Let's look inside daily and make sure our hearts are clean.

By the way, what does the inside of your wardrobe look like?

To all my Brazilian, Portuguese & foreign friends

2010-01-08T13:35:00.010+01:00

This blog is dedicated to all my friends (those I know and those I don't) who speak English as a second language.

Many of my friends tell me how embarrassed they are about speaking English because they say, "I don't speak well." I see them getting frustrated with themselves, getting flustered and some even feel inadequate somehow. But here's what I think of you.

I think you're amazing. You leave your country and family and everything that is familiar to you and come to a foreign land. You not only have to deal with getting to know the country and the people and a totally new way of life, but then you have to learn the language too. Even if you already know a bit, now you need to learn more.

Some of you come to the UK for a better life and you fight all the obstacles and you MAKE IT and are a living testimony to others.

Within a few weeks or even days, you are already putting sentences together. Within months, you are managing a whole conversation. Some pastors for example already start holding services in the church. Wives already begin counselling people, because their love for others and faith allows them to put all their insecurities aside.

Some of you are heading major departments in the church such as Kids Zone, Graphics, Webteam and TV. Some of you translate books into English, others are writing blogs, all of you doing something in a language that is not your own. Many of you have told me that when you go out, there are people that laugh at your English and it makes you feel shy and bad. Let me tell you something, this is just ignorance. Do you think that these people who laugh at you can go to your country and start speaking your language and do what you are doing here? So don't ever feel inadequate. I admire your ambition to do better.

I have been so blessed by people who spoke little English. I remember a Pastor's wife who had just arrived from Brazil. I was not long in the church and needed to speak to someone, so I went to speak to her. She understood some of what I was saying but she wanted to advise me and couldn't. I could see her trying to find words, I could see the frustration in her face, and then her eyes filled up with tears and she said exasperated, "Oh Chris, I love you." That was all she could manage, but do you know what? If was enough. I knew she would be praying for me. And let me tell you, it wasn't long after that she could speak English well.

I admire you all. Keep going because you're doing great!

The reason she'd made that list...

2010-01-02T22:28:00.000+01:00

I saw the beginning of a game show recently where the contestant was being interviewed and said something quite interesting to the host. She said that she had a list of everything that she wanted to do before she died, and she had already achieved 20 of them.

Her list included personal desires such as visiting certain parts of the world, swimming with sharks, things like that. I thought it was really good that a person would make such a list, showing that she had goals and things that she wanted to achieve. But then came a revelation. She said she had a brain tumour. So basically, the only reason she had made this list was because she didn't know when she was going to die but knew that it would probably be sooner rather than later.

I found it sad that many people only seem to get ambitious when they have been diagnosed with a terminal illness and so they try to achieve all their dreams in the little time they have left. But think with me here. Do any of us really know how much longer we will be on this earth? No one does. Who knows, we could have less time than this woman has. And if you really think about it, even a longer-than-average lifetime isn't that long at all! So what are we waiting for? Why not make plans for the future and set goals? Instead of having just a 'wish list' how about a 'Things I will definitely achieve this year' list?

It's a great time to set such goals.

I was so lucky

2009-12-29T22:04:00.007+01:00

Greek people have this tradition of baking a cake for New Years Eve and before the cake mixture is put in the tin, a coin wrapped in foil is placed in the bottom of the tin and then the cake is baked. Whoever gets the piece containing the coin is supposed to have a lucky and happy New Year.

Well, I can certainly say that year after year, I was extremely lucky in getting the piece containing the coin, and it wasn't because I ate more cake than anybody else. I remember my heart aching while I clutched that coin as I was yearning to put the miserable life behind me and look forward to something new. I wouldn't even spend that money but would keep it for 'good luck'. But the only thing I got was a collection of pound coins wrapped in foil with bits of stale cake stuck to them, and the same awful life.

A new and happy year doesn't depend on luck, or lucky charms. Hoping or wishing that things will be different for you, will only end up in disappointment. To change your life, you need to do what you have never done before.

How will you be celebrating your New Year's Eve? At home with the family? At a club or party? At the same old tired places you always go?

I'll be spending it in my Father's house. I will be saying thank you for a challenging and wonderful 2009 and presenting my life and plans ready for 2010. I will be learning how to achieve those goals and I will be starting the New Year on the right foot. Instead of holding that coin, I'll be holding God's hand who will lead me into the New Year.

Want to join me? Call 020 7686 6000 for your nearest branch and your New Year will indeed be a happy one.

Not good for us

2009-12-22T15:19:00.007+01:00

I saw her again. A young homeless woman named Katrina, with pale white skin, sunken eyes and a sad face. I'd previously given her a newspaper inviting her to the HelpCentre. "Hi, remember me?" I asked. She didn't return the smile and just looked at me. "Have you decided to come along to the HelpCentre yet?" I asked. "Maybe one day," she said. I had a short conversation with her and then left but then it occured to me that she probably hadn't eaten anything so I went back and asked her if I could buy her a meal. We went into a local cafe and sat down. As she tucked into her food, she started telling me how she needed £20 in order to pay her rent so that she wouldn't be thrown out of where she was living. She said she'd been in prison and lost touch with her family and now was all alone in Swindon. I wasn't about to give her any money. Last time we'd met she'd told me that she was an addict as well as having another load of problems. I listened to her intently and then I started speaking about how her life could change, that she didn't have to accept things the way they were. But instead of listening, she seemed to be getting agitated and again went back to the subject of the £20 that she needed. "If I can just get my hands on that £20, my problems will be over." Again I tried to reason with her. "If you give me the £20, I'll meet you in church and give it back to you in a couple of days." Again, back to the £20. Sadly, I wasn't getting anywhere. All she was thinking of was that £20 would solve her problem and I was pretty sure that £20 would go on drugs anyway. I made one last attempt to open her eyes to the possibility of a totally new life and said my goodbyes, reminding her of where the HelpCentre was.

There are lots of Katrinas out there. It's the person that only looks at temporary fixes to problems, without looking to the future. It's the person who feels really lonely and so starts a relationship with whoever will have them, and later regrets it. It's the person who just has to buy that new item no matter what the cost and gets him/herself into serious debt, it's the person that who is so desperate for an income that will take a job that they know will take them away from their family and going to church, but takes it anyway, just to get by for now with really bad consequences, and the list goes on.

I've found that the best way to deal with difficult situations is to take a step outside and evaulate what is going on, without involving feelings, emotions, or personal desires. It's not easy because there's always that voice of 'reason' screaming for attention, "YOU HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE. WHAT ELSE ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO? NO ONE'S GOING TO BLAME YOU FOR DOING THIS..."

But later when things go wrong that same voice, but somehow quieter this time, comes to say, 'What an idiot. Look what you've done now. There's another failure to add to your list.'

Temporary, quick fixes are rarely good for us. They may seem like the best option at the time but if we use our faith, there is ALWAYS another option.

My disastrous picnic

2009-12-16T15:00:00.009+01:00

I had it all planned. A lovely picnic with my husband in the beautiful countryside on a lovely summer's day. I was so looking forward to it and started preparing the food the day before: Spicy chicken, tuna crunch sandwiches, olives with feta, prawn mayonnaise, salad with sweet cherry tomatoes, octopus in a lovely marinade, followed by creamy strawberry yogurt and some soft chewy cherry cookies. And of course fresh tropical juice and tea. I was so excited and really wanted to impress my husband with all the food I'd prepared.

Picnic day came and I packed everything into my straw basket and off we went. We didn't have to drive far before we found a lovely spot with breathtaking views.

I opened the car door and breathed in the fresh air. We decided to sit in the car and eat with the car doors open. I proceeded to take out all the food and serve on the picnic plates that I'd brought along.

Just as we started to tuck into our food, I noticed a tiny black dot on my hand. I brushed it off thinking that it was nothing. But then I saw more suddenly appearing on my hands and arms and in my plate, and these dots were moving! I realised that we'd parked right in the middle of a swarm of insects! "Michael quick. Close the doors!" I squealed, almost knocking over my plate of food. We closed the doors, wound up the windows and proceeded to squash whatever insects had gotten into the car. The windshield started to go dark with all these horrible things landing on it.

Somehow, they were still managing to get into the car and we had them in our hair, ears, food, everywhere. I was on the verge of going hysterical and that was the end of our picnic. I couldn't enjoy anything else of that day before going home, taking off our clothes and having a long shower (again) to get rid of those tiny little beasts.

The moral of this story? When there is something bothering you, be it a doubt, a grudge, or any other 'small' thing that you just try and brush off, trust me, it will make your life miserable if you don't get rid of it. Do you have to speak to someone? Do it. Do you have to confess something? Go ahead. Whatever it is you have to do to get your peace back, do it, because no matter how beautiful a place you are in, no matter who you are with and what you try to do, these little things can take away all your enjoyment, and given the chance, will take over your whole life.

My fundraising fear

2009-12-05T23:46:00.004+01:00

When I heard that our Centre had permission to do house-to-house fundraising for a couple of days in November and then most of December, I can’t say I reacted the way I was supposed to. Although I was happy that we would be able to raise money for our HelpCentre, I just didn’t like the idea of knocking on complete strangers’ doors. What would they say? How would they react? Would they get angry at someone standing at the door asking for money? It might have been something to do with the way my father used to react to people knocking on our door. He once passionately told two Jehovah's Witnesses how much he loved blood and killing just to scare them. Of course, he meant his hobby of shooting rabbits and other game, but they weren't to know that, the poor things. I felt sorry for them.

But anyway, there was a week to go until we were able to start the fundraising, so I had a while to get used to the idea. I told myself off, I prayed, I psyched myself up... I didn’t accept the way that I was feeling about it.

Would you believe it, on the first Saturday we were going to go, I actually woke up excited? The first door we knocked on, the words flowed and the lovely person at the door gave £5. Wow. I was actually having fun. Since then, we’ve been out in the pouring rain, in the freezing cold, in gale force winds (I’m not joking, we’ve some crazy weather here in Wiltshire) but every time, I’m ready for it. Of course, it's been hard but it's also been great, and I haven't yet come across anyone like my dear father. :-)

It’s funny but sometimes the perception we can have of something is so much worse than reality. In fact, it can be the complete opposite. It’s like we build up this crazy idea in our heads and then we end up making ourselves nervous for no reason. That’s why we just need to jump in at the deep end and get on with it, or else we could be missing out on learning new skills, getting experience in different things, learning to sacrifice, and brilliant causes such as the one we’re fundraising for could end up missing out.

I’ll continue going everyday to fundraise. Who’s with me?

I've been on both sides

2009-11-24T21:11:00.003+01:00

There I was on this beautiful empty beach, all alone. It was hot and sunny and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. I was on a summer break abroad and my uncle had dropped me on the beach for a few hours while he went to run some errands. I should have been having a lovely time. What person in their right mind wouldn’t want to have a whole beach to themselves, but that awful feeling was there. That horrible dark cloud, deep in the pit of my stomach that just wouldn’t go away, no matter where I was or who I was with.

I’d been battling with depression for a few years and I just couldn’t shrug it off. All I kept thinking was of how happy and carefree I used to be, without a care in the world and then suddenly, without warning and completely out of the blue, this depression invaded me.

I stared into the sea. The water was a rough that day but the sound of the waves, the way they looked were beautiful. Why wouldn’t this feeling go away? What was wrong with me? I couldn’t take it anymore. I stood up suddenly and ran into the crashing waves. I started sobbing and I looked up and screamed, “WHY ME?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? WHY CAN’T I JUST BE HAPPY?” Then I realised that I had been screaming at God, although I didn’t actually know if He existed or not. I just stood there, being tossed to and fro by the waves, crying uncontrollably. “Give me anything else”, I whispered, “... “but not this. If I have to have something wrong with me, then give me a sickness, give me something that I can go and get medicine for, but not this, please.”

Look at what I was thinking. I thought that I was supposed to be suffering for some reason. And so I was asking to swap one sort of suffering for another. Thank goodness, I found the UCKG where I learnt that I didn’t have to suffer anymore. I learned that I could reject any problem and if I used my faith, I could be totally happy.

If there is any problem you’re going through, never think that you were meant to suffer, that it’s your fate somehow. That’s a big fat lie! You weren’t born to be unhappy. The sooner you believe that, the sooner you can fight to overcome WHATEVER is putting you down.

Take it from someone who has been on both sides. There is a different life waiting for you, no matter how hopeless your situation may seem.

Which one are you?

2009-11-19T19:24:00.009+01:00

I've worked in various different roles in my time and have learnt that we will normally fit into one of three categories.

Below expectation: People in this group are a pain to work with. They will not even do the minimum expected of them. They will often turn up to work late, take advantage when it comes to sick days (e.g. even the slightest headache will be enough for them to call up and say they are not coming in), they need to be pushed all the time to get any work done, if you give something to them, you never trust that it will be done and so need to chase them up constantly. You can't help wondering whether you would be better off without these people 'working' with you. You try to be patient, you try to invest time and effort into them but to no avail. They just don't get it. They won't budge. Normally, this group doesn't last long anywhere, and then they turn around and blame everyone else for their failures.

Does what is expected: You can't really fault this group because they do exactly what is expected of them. They come to work on time, and they also leave dead on time too. Whatever you ask them to do, they do it, exactly as you have asked, nothing more, nothing less. It's good to have them around. It helps. But you know that if something unexpected turns up and you need some urgent help, or need them after hours, they probably won't be available. Sometimes, you get frustrated as you know they could acheive more with a little extra effort, but that rarely happens.

Exceed expectations: These people are full of surprises. They frequently go beyond your expecatations. They don't just do what you ask them to do, but they find ways of doing it cheaper, faster, better, etc. If you leave something in their hands, you can even forget about it because they won't. They will make sure it's done and on your desk even before you need it. And they don't do these things because they're trying to impress you or to get a promotion. They do it because they have a passion for what they are doing. They take pride in their work and won't settle for the norm.

I have to say that working with people in this last group is wonderful. You love being around them and listening to what they have to say. You want to make sure that they were rewarded for their efforts, and so will contact the Personnel department and ask what can be done for them - a bonus, a pay rise, something... It's not that you dislike the people that fit into the other groups, but it's just not the same...

Apply these examples to any area of your life and it's the same thing. If we exceed expectations, great things will always happen to us...

David & Goliath, John & Edward… People who have really caught my attention.

2009-11-09T17:07:00.011+01:00

First, boxer David Haye who looked like he could never beat ‘Beast from the East’ Nikolai Valuev, who is over 7 foot tall. Not only did Haye's opponent have size on his side but he also had a pretty impressive record, having only lost once in 52 fights. These two things alone would have put anyone off, but not David. I admit, he was very mouthy to Valuev and said a lot of personal things, but can you imagine how much he believed in himself just to dare to step into the ring with a man so huge and with such a good record? The press here in the UK called them David and Goliath, and David won!

And then there’s good ol’ John and Edward from the X-Factor (a national singing competition for those outside the UK). These guys CANNOT sing, but somehow, they seem to keep surviving and staying in the competition. What I love about them is the way they come out all confident and smiley even though every single week they get booed and then get slaughtered by the judges. How much rejection can a person take? But do you see them getting upset, or giving up? Nope, they continue to perform week after week and annoy everyone. Makes you think doesn’t it?

Don't want to be rich? You could be selfish...

2009-11-07T18:19:00.010+01:00

Okay, so I know the title is a bit strong but I wanted to get your attention. I’ve been wanting to write this blog for a while now but wasn’t sure if it would get misunderstood, but I’m going to take that chance. Before you get offended, hear me out and then draw your own conclusions.

One day, my husband and I met a lady in the market who had previously said that she’d had financial problems. However, since then, she had gotten a job. My husband invited her to the Monday meeting at the UCKG and she smiled sweetly and said “Oh, I now have everything that I need. I have enough for me and my family so we are happy thank you.”

I’m not criticising this lady as she didn’t know any better but I couldn’t help feeling sad and angry at the way many people think when it comes to money. I’ve heard many people say, even Christians, that as long as they have enough to get by, they are happy and that they shouldn’t be greedy, afterall, “there are many people so much worse off than them,” although I'm sure that if someone offered them a million pounds they wouldn't hesitate to take it.

Okay, you may have enough for you and your family but just think about what you could do if you had more. Think of all the others out there that could benefit from your wealth. Think of how many good and worthwhile projects you could contribute to.

And there's another thing. People take notice of prosperous people. They listen to what they have to say. Have you ever taken advice from a beggar on the street or even been interested in what he/she had to say? Be honest. Cruel? But it’s true isn’t it? Now turn that around. If you met someone that was rich and successful, wouldn’t you be interested in them? Wouldn’t you want to know more about them and the way they think and what took them where they are today?

Imagine yourself as a successful, rich Christian. When you talk, people will listen, when you tell them about the foundation of your success, they won’t be able to deny that it’s true, when the church is in need of something to further God’s work, you will have no problem to sponsor it. Imagine the possibilities. Imagine how much you could do! On the other hand, if you wanted that kind of life to show off, or to indulge in your riches without a second thought for anyone else, then you’d have it all wrong. Of course, God wants you to have the best of everything, but He also expects you to use what He has enabled you to have, to help and save others.

One day, I really understood this. My husband and I were in our early twenties and were blessed. We had really good jobs and always had offerings to give, owned a three bedroom house and were going on 2 or 3 luxury holidays a year. On one holiday, we were even asked how a couple so young could afford such a holiday. We were comfortable. But one day, I realised that it wasn’t just about us and that our lives should make an impact. So I started aiming higher, although deep down, I really wanted to do God’s work, but in the meantime I was going to go higher. It’s funny because when I took a step towards that, I was invited to work in the church as an employee, but that’s another story for another blog.

So you see friend, it’s never good for us to remain happy in our own little bubble, only thinking of ourselves. Perhaps when a Campaign of Israel comes along, you don’t even think that you need to take part. You say to yourself, well, I don’t have any serious problems to solve anymore and I am happy with my life. Spiritual life is good, family is getting along, good health, all is well. But answer this, can people really see God in the whole of your life? If you opened your mouth to speak about Him, would people sit up and take notice?

No one’s going to do it for you

2009-11-02T15:10:00.006+01:00

I once had a friend that wanted to lose weight. She wasn’t happy with her body at all and I sympathised with her as I had once been in her shoes and I know how uncomfortable it feels.

And so I tried to help her. I wrote out a diet plan for her, encouraged her and even offered to be her personal trainer (no charge of course :-)) but I soon realised that there was only so much I could do. I could see that although she said she wanted to slim down, sadly, she wasn’t willing to pay the price to get there.

You see, you can get all the knowledge, advice, encouragement, etc. that you want, but at the end of the day, if you fail in making your sacrifices, nothing will change.

No one is going to get up a little earlier to pray and read the Bible for you when you realise that you are feeling weak in your spiritual life.

No one is going to make more effort at work for you when you realise that you’ve been lazy.

No one is going to stop arguing back for you when you realise that the situation in your family is getting worse.

You just have to get on with it and DO it. If we’re not willing to do what we know we have to do, if we keep trying quick fixes or the easy options, we shouldn’t expect much.

As they say in the retail world, you get what you pay for. In this case, you get what you sacrifice for.

Easy, natural and cheap hair treatment & face masks

2009-10-27T23:10:00.005+01:00

These are so easy. I found them today. I haven't tried them yet, but I'm going to... Enjoy. :-)

Avocado Hair Treatment

•1 medium avocado — peeled and stoned
•2 tablespoons honey
Mash together the ingredients in a small bowl. Massage into hair. Leave for 20-30 minutes. Wash hair as usual.

Tightening/Toning Lemon Egg-White Mask

•Juice from 1/2 a lemon (strained)
•1 egg white
Beat together the egg white and lemon juice for 3 minutes. Apply directly to your face, avoiding the eyes. Leave on for 30 minutes. Rinse off with warm water.

Revitalizing Mask

•1/2 cup chopped cucumber
•1/2 cup chopped avocado
•1 egg white
•2 tsp. powdered milk
Combine all of the ingredients in a blender until they form a smooth paste. Apply the mask to your face and neck using circular upward movements.Leave the mask on for 30 minutes, or until dry. Rinse your face and neck with warm water and finish with a cold water rinse.

I’ve gotta get a job!

2009-10-23T01:28:00.003+02:00

I was fresh out of University and thought that now I had a degree, I was going to be on my way up in the world and expected to get a job straight away. I started sending out CVs proud to list my qualifications and certain that the interviews would come flooding in. But I soon found out that I had a problem.

Although I had the qualifications, I had no experience in what employers were asking for, so I ended up temping, a day here, a few days there and I hated it. And so I applied for even more jobs until I finally got an interview in a maintenance firm. I had no experience but I was determined to get this job.

I really sold myself at the interview. Although I didn’t know the computer system the company used, I made sure I told my interviewer that I was a fast learner. Although I didn’t have any experience in the field, I made sure he knew that I was a hard worker. I didn’t dwell on what I didn’t have but focussed on what I did have.

At the end of the interview, I was asked if I had any questions. I had just one: “When do I start?” I asked confidently. At first, my interviewer looked a bit surprised but then a big grin spread across his face and he said, “Well, I’ve got more people to interview, but I like your attitude so I’m going to take you on.” I started full-time work that very week. A while into my first job, I kept hearing about a woman named Mandy who had worked there for a number of years who was supposed to be one of the best employees there. One day I asked my Manager, “Is she better than me?” He looked a bit uncomfortable and said, “Well, only in the computer system.” That’s all I needed to hear. I now had a new goal of being the best employee there.

Now there is a little twist to this story. What I haven’t told you is that all of this happened BEFORE I found God. I was depressed, going through terrible problems, but I BELIEVED IN MYSELF. And this is where many Christians fail. They believe in God, but they have no confidence in their abilities, (which God enabled them to have by the way) as though it’s being proud to have this self-belief. And so they wait for God to do everything for them when He is saying “GO!” So sadly, a person is more likely to succeed if they believe in themselves and don’t believe in God, rather than the other way around, simply because people who believe in themselves MOVE.

Now, imagine the potential when you believe in God AND believe in yourself. WOW!

So, stop just praying and then waiting for God to do what you have to do. You feel nervous to take action? You’re human, just do it anyway and doors will start opening before your very eyes. And as you start to climb high, always remember where you came from and Who’s backing you 100% and then share this with everyone you know. What better way to evangelise than with your life?

Final part of '10 Ways to Change Your Man into a Grump'

2009-10-20T20:18:00.004+02:00

Compare him to other men you know, and tell him how he doesn’t measure up.

Imagine this scenario of a woman speaking to her man. “Oh, I saw Joanne and her husband today. He’s doing really well at work. Can you believe he’s been promoted again? Talk about clever and hardworking. And he’s ever such a good husband – helps her around the house and he REALLY takes care of his body. You could take a leaf out of his book you know. You really need to work a bit harder to get promoted too. It would be nice if you could help out more around the house…maybe you could join the gym."

This is a sure way to make a man feel small and insignificant. When you got married to him, it shouldn’t have been with the intention of changing him. In fact, what should have been first and foremost in your mind is to GIVE because of your love for him.

There was a time in my marriage when I made this mistake. One of the things that I first noticed about my husband and liked was that he was mature and quiet. Most of the other guys at Uni were loud, would show off and try to impress people, and would make sure they were noticed. But Michael was different. He got on with what he had to do. But he was also friendly and such a nice person – really helpful and cared for people. He was different. But then after we got married and I noticed that his colleagues were louder and talked more, cracked more jokes and that sometimes people misunderstood his quietness for something negative, I started to wish he was different. And so I started suggesting that perhaps he could be more talkative… in other words, to change who he was.

But one day, I realised that I’d been comparing him to others and that one of the things that attracted me to him was the very thing that I now wanted him to change. But then that wouldn’t be my Michael. I love him just the way he is and I love him more and more everyday. He doesn’t need to be like anyone else. He’s perfect for me, just as he is...

Part 9: 10 Ways to Change Your Man into a Grump

2009-10-19T21:56:00.001+02:00

Don’t bother much with your appearance anymore. Afterall, he has to love you just the way you are.

Oh dear. This is a trap many women fall into and one that I fell into too. Before getting married, many women make sure they look their best. Make-up and hair looks good, they keep an eye on their figure and exercise regularly, they wear nice clothes. They would never let their man see them any other way. But now that he’s all theirs, well, now it’s a different story...

I remember taking ages to get ready before going out with my boyfriend but once I was married for a while, I thought I was too tired and too busy to make much effort anymore. Sure if we went out, I made sure I looked nice, but around the house… oh that was another story. As soon as I came home from work, hair would be messily put up, the old baggy pyjama bottoms would go on (sometimes a pair of his old tracksuit bottoms), a baggy t-shirt and then straight into the kitchen to cook. I wanted to feel comfortable with nothing tight around my waist. I wouldn’t bother taking a shower before sitting down with him. He had to accept me in my baggy clothes and stinky skin. I cringe when I think back.

It wasn’t until I started participating in women’s meetings and reading women’s books that I had a rude awakening. Now, I’m not saying that you have to wear a party dress while you’re doing the dusting, but surely a nice pair of jeans wouldn’t be bad with a nice top? If you’re like me, I don’t like my hair in my face when I’m working or cleaning, but a nice, neat pony-tail would be good wouldn’t it?

Even those times when my stomach swells to twice its normal size before my monthly visit, I really don’t feel like wearing anything fitted because everything feels tight. So I bought this really pretty dress and have a few other nice items that are loose around my tummy so that I can look and feel nice even during those days.

So ladies. Let your husband always fancy you as well as love you. Remember, he is probably surrounded by women at work or on the tube/train who take pride in their appearance and smell good. Why should he come home to someone that stinks of his dinner, feels like a hedgehog because she didn’t shave her legs and looks like she can’t afford to wear anything decent. Isn’t he worth the effort? Aren’t YOU worth the effort?

Part 8: 10 Ways to Change Your Man into a Grump

2009-10-17T20:33:00.003+02:00

Don’t trust him make any decisions. Always second guess him.

You may well allow your husband to make the final decisions at home, but it’s always a struggle or only after an argument. Perhaps he even values your opinions and carefully considers your advice, but he ends up making a decision that you don’t agree with. And so you make sure he knows that you’re not happy about that.

At every opportunity, you tell him that he’s making a mistake, that it’s going to affect your lives, that he should have listened to you. You start putting doubts in his mind by saying things like, “Are you sure you want to work for that company, move to this area, buy this item? Maybe you’re better off by doing this, this or that...”

If you don’t give him your support, he’ll always feel that you don’t value his judgement or trust his leadership, and that could even lead him to lose his confidence. If his decision gives a negative outcome, you’re sure to go on and on about how he should have listened to you in the first place. NO ONE likes that. Keep doing this and before your very eyes, you could see a confident man become a doubting wimp. And then you’ll probably complain that your husband isn’t man-enough. So let him be a man.

Even if he does make a wrong decision, if you trust in God and give it in His hands, can’t He turn that situation around for good?

Part 7 of '10 Ways to Change Your Man into a Grump'

2009-10-17T20:32:00.001+02:00

Don’t trust him make any decisions. Always second guess him.

You may well allow your husband to make the final decisions at home, but it’s always a struggle or only after an argument. Perhaps he even values your opinions and carefully considers your advice, but he ends up making a decision that you don’t agree with. And so you make sure he knows that you’re not happy about that.
At every opportunity, you tell him that he’s making a mistake, that it’s going to affect your lives, that he should have listened to you. You start putting doubts in his mind by saying things like, “Are you sure you want to work for that company, move to this area, buy this item? Maybe you’re better off by doing this, this or that...”
If you don’t give him your support, he’ll always feel that you don’t value his judgement or trust his leadership, and that could even lead him to lose his confidence. If his decision gives a negative outcome, you’re sure to go on and on about how he should have listened to you in the first place. NO ONE likes that. Keep doing this and before your very eyes, you could see a confident man become a doubting wimp. And then you’ll probably complain that your husband isn’t man-enough. So let him be a man.
Even if he does make a wrong decision, if you trust in God and give it in His hands, can’t He turn that situation around for good? Who are you trusting in?

A WARNING TO ALL MY FRIENDS!

2009-10-16T17:27:00.003+02:00

DO NOT fall for this scam.

If you use Hotmail, you may have noticed an advert on the side for 'a mum's homemade discovery for white teeth'. There is a story about how this woman got 2 free trials from different companies for whitening toothpaste that when combined gave exceptional results. There is a link to two companies, one being Dazzle Smile and you can sign up for a free trial and just pay posting and packaging. Seeing as this was advertised in Hotmail, I thought the company would be safe.

I am ashamed to say that I fell for it and paid for the postage and packaging with my debit card which came to $1.98. When I pressed OK, I got an email back saying that they had taken out $12.00. I checked my account and there were two separate withdrawals, one for $1.98 and one under another name for the other $10.00.

I was fuming. I went to my bank and they told me that what this company does is get you to sign up for a 'free' trial and then once they have your card details, every month, they will take out $87.00!

If you signed up for the free trial, check your account. You will notice that they have taken for the p&p and also there will be another small withdrawal for £5 or so. What you need to do immediately is to cancel the card that you used or else they will start taking out large sums next month and every month thereafter.

My bank told me that this company is actually a reputable company but there is a tiny clause in their terms and conditions that allows them to do this!

Well, they won't be taking anything else from me, and what they've taken, I'm getting back you can be sure of that. Oh well, you live and learn.

Part 7 of '10 Ways to Change Your Man into a Grump'

2009-10-16T15:11:00.003+02:00

Frequently reorganise his things and throw out the stuff you don’t think he needs anymore.

This might seem like something really petty and insignificant. However, what it boils down to is that you are not respecting his things.If you don't respect his things, you don't respect him.

I love organising and having everything in its place. I have containers, files, etc. for everything. I hate things being left lying about the house or office.

Although my husband is pretty neat and tidy, he does tend to bring home papers and bits of paper with things written on. It used to really annoy me. I’d just tidied up and now here were these messy papers spoiling the whole look of the room. I wouldn’t keep it to myself. I’d complain and ask him to tidy it up. When that didn’t work, I would take it upon myself to go through his things and throw away what I thought wasn’t important… needless to say, I got into a lot of trouble for doing that when he couldn’t find something important and so was banned from throwing anything away before checking with him first.

Now I will just put his papers in a neat pile. I still reorganise things but nothing too drastic and I will always ask if he likes the way I’ve done things and most of the times, he does... :-)

Part 6 of '10 Ways to Change Your Man into a Grump'

2009-10-13T00:12:00.004+02:00

Always put the kids first. They need you more than he does.

Do this and you’ll have a very unhappy husband. Granted, your kids need you. They need your support, you advice, your care and your attention.But try and see things through a husband’s eyes...

There she was, his lovely wife who always gave him all the attention he needed. She would listen to his dreams and plans and show a genuine interest in everything that he did. She always looked extra special for him, cooked his favourite meals, and was always ready for loving, in fact, often, she initiated the love-making. He was so looking forward to having children with her. It was going to be a new phase in their lives which they would share and it would bring them even closer together.

The reality?

She doesn’t pay him much attention anymore, let alone be interested in his plans. She often walks around with baby vomit all down her top, ‘doesn’t have time’ to cook anything he likes (fish fingers will do because the kids love those) and as for the bedroom… well, that hardly happens anymore because she says she’s too tired.

Imagine how that makes him feel. When you married, you became one with him not with your future kids. Now, he feels like he’s lost a part of himself. The result - a very unhappy and stressful marriage which in the end does the kids a lot of harm too. Childen thrive when their parents have a great relationship. If you don’t get things in the right order, your husband, your kids and consequently YOU will suffer.

Part 5 of '10 Ways to Change Your Man into a Grump'

2009-10-10T17:12:00.004+02:00

Even if it seems like he’s not listening to you anymore, just keep talking.

Did you know that on average, women speak for 70% of the time and men only 30%? Think about that. You are probably talking more than twice the amount that you spouse is.

Please don’t get me wrong, it’s great to have good conversation and communication with your spouse, but if you see that you are doing almost all the talking, just stop and think about this.

Women do like to chat sometimes about the most insignificant of things. The problem with that is that sometimes, we can get really boring without realising it. Does he really want to know about the cute little dog that you saw in the supermarket, or about the fact that they didn’t have your favourite brand of bread, or that you almost slipped and fell in the kitchen? He really doesn’t need to know EVERYTHING that is going on in your head. If your man is patient and polite, he’ll probably just switch off. If you have the kind of husband that says exactly what he thinks without caring if he offends you or not, well, don’t be surprised at the reaction.

I can tell if what I am saying to my husband interests him or not because he’ll normally make eye contact. I also know when I’m boring him as he’ll normally sigh and give me that look that says, 'Sooooo interesting Chris.'

I’m not much of a talker anyway, (I prefer to listen to people) but I’ve learnt to think twice now before I just start talking. I ask myself, ‘Is this going to bore him? Will he really want to know this? Will I be taking his mind off something important if I bring this up?’ It’s quite funny because sometimes I’ll take a breath and open my mouth to speak, and then I’ll suddenly close it when I change my mind. I must look like a goldfish sometimes.

Part 4: 10 Ways to Change Your Man into a Grump

2009-10-07T19:13:00.004+02:00

Don’t ever let him have time to himself. Keep him busy and with you at all times.

Many women get it into their head that they have to be with their man 24/7 and if he wants a bit of time alone, it means he doesn’t care or he’s gone off her.

It’s great to be with your spouse as often as possible. When I’m not with my husband, I do miss him. But there are times when I really like my own company, just to think, to sort myself out, etc. It doesn’t mean I don’t love him or I don’t care.

Some women are way too clingy. The more you run after your man, the more you keep calling him asking if he’s missed you or if he’s thinking about you, the more he WON’T miss you. How can he if you’re always in his face? You’re not giving him a chance to miss you.

So the next time he tells you that he wants to go and play football with his friends, don’t get in a strop. Send him on his way with a kiss. Don’t run after him all the time like a little puppy. Soon enough, you won’t have to ask him to spend time with you. He’ll be the one chasing you.

Part 3: 10 Ways to Change Your Man into a Grump

2009-10-06T19:59:00.003+02:00

Make sure your needs and desires are met before even thinking about his.

When you get married, you’re not alone anymore. This sounds like a pretty obvious statement, but in reality, this is where many people slip up, driving their other half crazy.

If you want a moody man, don’t give him any consideration. Buy whatever clothes, shoes, accessories, etc. that take your fancy without asking him if there is anything that he wants to buy that month. Perhaps he can buy something next month since the money has already run out.

How about going out? Make sure you only go to the places and watch the movies YOU fancy. Afterall, he can’t expect you to sit through a war film. But of course, he should sit through a romantic chic flick. EVERYONE loves those.

Make sure you always visit YOUR relatives when you get the spare time. You much prefer their company to that of your husband’s relatives. He can always speak to them over the phone. He won’t mind. Women are more needy afterall.

And the list goes on…

Friends. Try putting your other half first. There are times when my husband and I take ages on deciding on a place to go. Do you know why? It’s not because either of us are insisting on a particular place or activity. It’s because we want to please one another. I insist that we go somewhere that he prefers, and he does the same thing. It’s a kind of good disagreement if you know what I mean.

Part 4 coming up...

Part 2: 10 Ways to Change Your Man into a Grump

2009-10-05T17:15:00.005+02:00

Throughout the day, keep a list of things to complain to him about, and as soon as he walks in the door go through it with him. Don’t even let him sit down.

Homecoming should be a time that a husband looks forward to. After a long busy day, full of stress and problems, all he wants to do is come home, relax for a little while to rest his mind, fill his hungry belly and then spend time with his lovely wife and know that she accepts and loves him just the way he is. Afterall, everyone else that day has given him a hard time.

Instead, as soon as he walks through the door, before he’s even had the chance to sit down, she starts bombarding him with all the problems she’s had throughout the day. The kids were playing up, the bills need to be paid, the table in the kitchen still needs to be fixed, the bins need taking out and on and on she goes. He either ignores her and clams up making her think he’s rude and uncaring, or he snaps at her which makes her mad.

It’s not that your husband doesn’t care about your day, or the things that need doing. He just needs a little ‘me time’ first so he can unwind. Once he’s had that time, without any hassle from you, trust me, he’ll be a lot more responsive. You can say something like, “When would be a good time to discuss a couple of things with you?”. If he says ‘Later’, respect that. You’ll see that if you keep doing this, soon you won’t have to go through any lists with him. He’ll be asking you if there’s anything you want to discuss.

Part 3 coming up soon...

Part 1: 10 Ways to Change Your Man into a Grump

2009-10-02T17:35:00.004+02:00

Women can do a whole lot of damage in their marriage without even realising it and when our husband all of a sudden seems to go all moody, we wonder why.

‘Ten Ways to Change Your Man into a Grump’ was one of the topics on our women’s TV show one evening and it was really popular. One man contacted us having watched the show and begged us to send him a copy of the show so his wife could watch it, poor guy. He must have been having a really tough time at home.

I’m not going to cover all 10 things in this one post as it will be too long, so I’ll cover one at a time. Of course, they are many more things that make a man grumpy. These are just a few.

Here’s the first one:

Find one flaw the drives you particularly crazy, and nag him about it at least once a day. This is most effective when done right before bedtime.

Boy can we women nag. If it’s not the toilet seat that’s been left up, it’s his dirty clothes that have been left on the floor-sometimes right next to the laundry basket. We seem to think that by repeating ourselves a thousand times, it will get the job done and faster. This might work with your child, but with your husband it’s a big no-no. He will feel that you are treating him like a baby and nagging will even have the opposite effect. He’ll dig his heels in even more and not do something, just because you’re giving him a headache about it.

Do you need help sometimes? Of course. Is it wrong to ask for his help? Of course not, but if you ask once or twice and he hasn’t helped, leave him be and just do it yourself. Does it really take long to bend down and pick up the clothes? Probably a few seconds at the most. Stop with the expectations.

I’ve noticed that when I don’t nag, my husband offers to help me with things, even when I don’t need him to. He will see that I’m feeling a bit tired and starts helping me to get the job done faster.

Also, if you nag right before bedtime, you’ll remind him of his mum, so how is he supposed to feel romantic towards you? Then you wonder why you seem to have a block of ice in your bed rather than that sweet, romantic man you married.

More next time...

What a horrible morning!

2009-09-28T18:50:00.003+02:00

I remember waking up that day, later than what I was supposed to. There I was rushing around like a lunatic, anxious that I was going to miss my train. I didn’t even make my bed, my hair was a mess and I was sure that I’d forgotten to put something in my already heavy handbag.

I ran for the bus, and now I was all hot and sweaty and knew worse was to come, that lovely train journey where I would probably be standing the whole time with my face squashed up against the glass doors because I wouldn’t get there early enough to get a seat. Yes, I was a sardine that day. I was now officially in a bad mood.

Somehow, I got to the office on time but I felt lousy because of the mad rush. I remember stomping up the stairs and ready not to smile or talk to anyone. The most anyone would get was a ‘good morning’ because I wanted to be left alone, I wanted to keep myself to myself. If anyone did a bad job on my team, they were going to get it – no mercy. But the more I was thinking that way, the worse I felt.

Then I thought, hang on a minute, why am I letting myself feel this way? I can decide how the rest of my day pans out. Why should I let a bad start ruin the rest of my day? Why should I behave differently with people than I normally do? It’s not their fault. Immediately, I calmed down.

I took a deep breath, pushed my shoulders back and walked into the office confident that the rest of the day would be great, and do you know what? It was. It was because I decided it would be…

Are you feeling tired?

2009-09-25T17:38:00.004+02:00

Here are two types of tiredness. See if you can identify with them:

1. The lazy one - You’ve not really done anything significant all day. Sure you needed to rest a bit, everyone does, but you know you’ve overdone it because your body is aching and you feel really lethargic – even worse than before you rested. Bedtime comes and you find it difficult to sleep.

2. The good one – You’ve gone out and really made a difference, be it in your workplace, evangelising or doing something else for God. You’ve gone out of your way to do extra. This type of tiredness although may be physically painful sometimes, makes you feel great and gives you a real sense of achivement. Come bedtime, you fall into a really deep restful sleep and wake up the next day raring to go.

Which one do you prefer?

Ex-boyfriend? Hit the delete button!

2009-09-21T20:08:00.008+02:00

You open your Facebook and you see you have some new friend requests. You're quite excited at who you're going to find and then BAM there he is, your ex.

Your heart skips a beat and for a few seconds you just sit and stare at his photo and all of a sudden, all the memories of the past start flooding your mind. You remember all the good times you had and how you felt when you were with him. You know you probably shouldn't but you click into his profile just to find out a bit more. You're just curious, you tell yourself. There's nothing wrong with that.

It's the same old story. As soon as you start getting serious in your faith, out of nowhere an ex comes onto the scene. Remember that he's your EX for a reason. If he wasn't good for you back then, why would he be good for you now?

It's funny how for a while, you forget why you broke up in the first place - the incompatibility, the arguments, the way he treated you... You start remembering but for some reason you're still tempted to reply.

Perhaps it's because you want him to see how much you've changed. You are now more confident, more attractive, have more going for you than you did when you were with him and deep down, you just want him to see what he's missing.

You realise that's wrong so you start thinking up a reason to justify keeping in touch. 'Perhaps God is putting him in my way so that I can help him'. Do you think that God would really jeopordise your faith like that?

You are opening yourself up to a whole lot of trouble. It will start off innocently 'How are you? What have you been up to? Have you seen so and so?' Soon enough, it's 'Let's all have a reunion, it would be good for all of us to meet up again.' Before you know it, you'll end up having private reunions.

Do yourself a favour and hit the delete button. Don't spoil what God has in store for you. Nothing good ever comes from looking back, unless it's to learn a lesson.

Mixed relationships

2009-09-19T16:20:00.005+02:00

I’ve had a couple of requests to write about mixed relationships and the difficulties and prejudices. Of course, I can’t speak for all mixed couples but I’ll tell you about my experience, so here goes.

Friends, I can say that it’s been really hard. Coming from a strict Greek background, it was always drummed into me that I would marry a nice Greek boy and have Greek babies – just like in the film, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. That’s what I wanted too. I never imagined that I would marry outside my culture. The plan was that I would finish University and then move to Cyprus, (where my parents had already bought me a house), meet someone and start my cosy new life. But then I met Michael.

We had difficulties right from the start. The day I told my friends I liked him and that I was going to tell him, they literally grabbed me and pulled me back. “He’s not your type Chris, are you crazy?” A few days into the relationship, a gym buddy also expressed how disappointed he was in me. “I think you’re making a really big mistake.” There were stares of disapproval from people, and there were times that I felt really insecure about the relationship, thinking that he didn’t really want to be with me, but with someone black. It was the cause of countless arguments and lots of jealousy.

When I finally told my father about Michael, I was expecting him to hit the roof but instead he kissed me on the forehead. He was actually saying goodbye to me because from that day, he disowned me.

On my wedding day, my mum drove me to the church and I was fighting back tears because I wanted my daddy to be giving me away. I had to pull myself together and not allow anything to spoil my big day.

So why am I telling you all this? Relationships in general are not easy, especially in the early stages and dating or marrying someone outside your culture is just another added ‘difficulty’. You may say, “But we are of the same faith.” Sure, but that doesn’t mean things will be a bed of roses. There will be differences from the kind of food you eat, to the way you think children should be brought up.
Are you prepared for that? Are you prepared to compromise? Are you prepared to sacrifice what you want to do? Are you prepared to even lose family, as in my case, for your relationship?

It sounds like I’m against mixed relationships. Really I’m not. I never regret marrying Michael. I love him so much and our differences actually make our relationship more interesting. We’ve been together 16 years now (married for 11)and we’ve learned so much from one another. Although my father started speaking to me again, he has yet to meet Michael, but I know that this will change one day.

So, before getting into a mixed relationship, be realistic and consider what’s ahead.

My kind of salary

2009-09-14T22:23:00.003+02:00

I got a lot of criticism from friends and family when I left everything to do God’s work. I was told how much of a let-down I was for ‘wasting’ my degree and future, for ‘losing’ my house and car, for not having a ‘normal’ career and life. I heard of how those I love thought I’d been brainwashed, and that ‘the church’ had taken advantage of me.

I tried to explain that it wasn't like that, that I was happy, that this is what I wanted to do, but everyone was convinced that I had lost my mind. I can’t pretend it didn’t hurt at the beginning, but then I didn’t care. You see, I have the best ‘job’ in the world.

My salary is that God has entrusted valuable things into my hands. What a privilege.

My perks are the smiles of relief I get after having counselled or prayed for people.

My bonus is when I see people set free and being baptised and starting a new life.

My job satisfaction is waking up every morning looking forward to a new day and never quite knowing what is going to happen or who I’m going to meet and help.

My Christmas party is when I see disciples being raised.

My retirement present is reaching heaven and showing God those that I’ve helped lead to Him.

My pension is knowing that no other career or job is as important than what I’m doing right now.

What more could I want?

How to win in an argument

2009-09-11T16:58:00.003+02:00

“Chris, would you just shut-up for one minute so that I can explain!” My boyfriend was getting more and more frustrated with me and I could see that he was about to blow his top. I didn’t care. I went on anyway, completely disregarding his feelings.

“I know what you’re going to say Michael. I’ve heard it all before!” I shouted. He exhaled deeply and his eyes flashed in anger, “How can you know what I’m going to say??? Are you in my head woman? You never let me finish what I’m saying. If you just gave me a chance to speak, you would understand my point-” “NO-I UNDERSTAND YOUR POINT BUT YOU’RE NOT SEEING WHERE I’M COMING FROM ARE YOU?!!”

And on and on the argument went. I was so desperate to prove my point, to prove that I was right and he was wrong, that I would just interrupt him, talk over him, shout, throw things, you name it, I did it. Did this ever work? Were our problems ever resolved? No way.

One day, we decided to attend the Therapy of Love sessions at the UCKG and it was there where I learned some secrets to a successful relationship.

When the next disagreement came up, I behaved in my usual way. “Chris, can I just finish what I’m saying PLEASE?” Inside I was boiling but then I took a deep breath, looked at him straight in the eyes and said, “Sorry, go ahead.” He looked shocked and it took him a few seconds to compose himself. I guess he wasn’t used to me being quiet. Immediately, he calmed down. His expression softened and he looked relieved.

As he spoke, I actually started understanding his point. He talked and I listened intently. I wasn’t just being quiet, waiting for him to finish and thinking of a way to come back at him and prove he was wrong. I was taking everything in. And then I felt so ashamed of myself. All those arguments. All those fights. How on earth did he put up with me all those years? If only I’d listened, I would have understood him.

We apologised and promised each other to work on the individual problems we each had. He gave me such a tender kiss and hug after that. For the first time, I had given him the respect that he deserved.

When you don’t listen, you show immense disrespect. Even if you are convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are right, listen anyway. If it turns out that he or she is wrong, so what? Are you perfect? Work through it, forgive and move on. What’s the point in fighting and holding a grudge?

I honestly can’t remember the last time we had an argument. Sure, we have little disagreements now and then, but they are quickly resolved. But arguments? You can win every time by not getting into one in the first place.

Death by boredom

2009-09-09T10:52:00.000+02:00

I was watching a programme about an animal park the other day. This particular episode was all about giraffes. Please bear with me, there is a point to this post I promise.

The park keeper was cutting up fruit into chunks but instead of feeding the giraffes, he put each piece into a large plastic bottle with small holes in it. He then strung the bottle up high in a tree. The giraffes had to stretch up and the holes were only large enough to allow the giraffes to stick out their long tongue, grab the fruit and then carefully guide the food out of the hole into their mouth. They often dropped the fruit and had to start all over again.

I felt so sorry for them. I really didn’t understand the point in doing that to the poor things. I wanted to shout at the TV, “Just give them the fruit!”

As if the interviewer had read my mind, he asked the park keeper why he didn’t just give them the fruit instead of making them work so hard for it. He said, “If we made it that easy for them, they would get really bored, and a bored animal is an unhappy animal.”

Can you see where I’m going with this? Sometimes we complain when challenges come our way. We are naturally inclined to want to take things easy and have everything handed to us on a plate. But we forget how much we learn, grow and develop when we fight for what we want. Imagine life without having to fight for anything. Imagine if anything you ever wanted just dropped into your lap. Would you even value it? I think I’d die of boredom, wouldn’t you?

So next time a challenge comes your way, don’t take it easy. Roll up your sleeves and get stuck in and you’ll find that your life will be exciting and you won’t be a bored giraffe.

When words are too much

2009-09-07T14:33:00.000+02:00

A couple of years ago, I was teaching Beginners English to Polish students in our church headquarters in London. English classes are one of the community projects that we have in the UCKG HelpCentre open to everyone, whether church members or not.

When I was approached with the idea of being a teacher, I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t see myself standing up in front of people and everyone looking at me… but that’s another story for another blog.

Anyhow, every class I taught was such fun - Polish people are really lovely. None of them were church members and I knew they were only coming for the free class, but I gave my best anyway. They all grew on me and I looked forward to seeing them every week. Of course, I wasn’t concerned only about teaching them English, but also about their well-being. I often gave them words of encouragement, cared for them, and genuinely loved them.

We had a mini-graduation day for them at the end of the term, and one particular student came up to me with tears in her eyes. In her limited vocabulary, she pointed to her heart and said, “You touched me here.” I was quite taken aback and didn’t know quite what to say, so I just gave her a big hug. I knew it wasn’t me that had touched her, but that she had seen God inside of me.

You see, many people make the mistake of thinking that in order to bring others to God, especially family members, they have to go on like a broken record about their faith. I made this mistake in the beginning of my faith. I was so excited about what I’d found and I wanted my family and friends to have the same thing too.

Sure, we should evangelise and invite people to church. There is always a place for that. But with some people, the best way to speak about God is not to say a word. Let your actions and your character do the talking. Then those close to you will wonder what is different about you. When they have a problem, they will remember you and ask for advice. Then, there’s your opportunity…

LIAR LIAR

2009-09-04T16:35:00.000+02:00

I saw something on the news the other day that was really embarrassing.

There was an interview with a father who had just won a holiday through some sort of scheme for underprivileged people, I think it was. He was being interviewed by the reporter on live TV and he had his little son with him. He started saying, “Well, I’m so happy to have won this holiday. It’s great for us as it’s our first holiday-” Then his son interrupted him and said “SECOND holiday daddy. It’s going to be our SECOND holiday.” The father looked really flustered and embarrassed, started stuttering and said, “er… well yes, it will be our second holiday…” I tell you, it was really uncomfortable viewing.

That’s the thing with lying. You may get away with it once, twice, or even many times, but eventually the truth will come out and who will look like the fool? Who won’t be trusted by anyone?

So what if you lose face for a while for telling the truth? So what if people are annoyed with you for being honest? Trust me, sooner or later you’ll get respected for it.

Lies will always come back to bite you, perhaps even on live TV!

Will she like me?

2009-09-02T16:11:00.000+02:00

I remember feeling quite nervous when my boyfriend took me home to meet his mum. ‘Here we go’, I thought. 'Will she like me? Will she approve of me? I’m not from the same country as her, will that be a problem?'

But as soon as she poked her head round the door with that lovely warm smile, I instantly fell in love with her. Even though I was a bit shy, we were soon chatting away like close friends. Little did I know the terrible things that she was going through – depression, insomnia, spiritual attacks, thrombosis, debts, alcoholism, suicidal thoughts and more! Despite all those problems and being a single mum, she still managed to bring up two wonderful sons. I admired her strength.

One day, she learned to use her faith and was set free from ALL those problems. Now she’s dedicated her life to helping others. If you call the UCKG Helpline, she’ll be one of those to answer. If you happen to be in the church she’s in and she sees that you’re feeling a bit down, she’ll be straight over to talk to you. If she hasn’t seen you in a while, she’ll be sure to call you. That’s who she is.

Do you have a mother-in-law? Cherish her. Treat her as you would your own mother. But you may say, my mother-in-law is a bit ‘difficult’. So pray for her and focus on her good points. After all, you married her child so she must have done a pretty good job.

I feel so blessed to have someone like my mother-in-law in my life.

Mum, words can’t express just how much I love you.

I HATED her...

2009-08-31T11:38:00.000+02:00

I knew something was wrong when I saw my uncle driving down the hill towards us. There were around 15 of us camping on the beach when the terrible news was delivered. My grandfather had been knocked down whilst out on his bike and was killed. What a holiday. It was the first time I saw my father cry. We packed up and took the long journey back to town in silence.

That day, whilst my father went to identify the body and my mother and aunties went to clean the blood off the road, I stayed home with my cousins talking about how much we hated the woman who had killed our dear grandad. Sure, it was an accident but she was well known in the area for driving around like a maniac despite several warnings.

On the day of the funeral at the graveyard, something unexpected happened. She was there - before anyone else, waiting for us. She was on her knees in the hot dust sobbing, and as my father and uncles walked past her, she grabbed their hand one by one begging for forgiveness. Would you believe it, this happened when I was a child but it still brings tears to my eyes as I write. There I was feeling her pain. The memory of that scene is etched in my mind forever.

She was truly sorry for what had happened and she was bold enough to turn up to that funeral, probably afraid of how we would react, but she turned up anyway. In our grief, we forgave her.

There is a lesson to learn from this. If we as humans can forgive someone, what about God? Even if you’ve done something terrible, if you sincerely repent and ask His forgiveness, why wouldn’t He forgive you? If He sees that you truly mean what you are saying, as such a loving God, wouldn’t He forgive you straight away? The problem is, sometimes people don’t believe. Some are even afraid to come to Him and choose rather to hide away carrying that terrible burden with them.

You’ve done something wrong? Don’t be afraid to ‘turn up at the funeral’ and ask for forgiveness. HATE what you did and then put it behind you and move on, never to go back to that again. Forgive yourself, because if you don’t, you’ll never be at peace.

I don’t know if that lady ever forgave herself. Tragically, she was killed in a car accident a few years later leaving two children behind. I guess she allowed that incident to ruin her life. You don’t have to. You have a loving Father that understands you and is willing to hear you out, dust you off and give you a gentle nudge in the right direction. Will you allow Him to?

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing!

2009-08-27T21:28:00.000+02:00

There I was on the top deck of the bus on my way home from College, when a group of young guys got on laughing and joking around and making lots of noise.
Just guys being guys, I thought. But then one of them started bragging in a really loud voice (loud enough for everyone on the top deck to hear) about what he’d just done with a girl, and not only that, he had evidence of it! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I can’t even repeat it here because it was so vulgar.

This poor girl was probably thinking that she’d had some closeness with the young man that she was head over heels in love with, and yet here he was, revealing really intimate details about her and laughing about it with all his mates.

Now I understood why my dad was so strict with my sister and I. Any time we wanted to go out, he would say no and tell us time after time that we didn’t know what guys were really like. He knew because he’d had plenty of women before he settled down with my mum. You see, when he got fed up of playing around and wanted to get married, he didn’t want any of those girls that he’d fooled around with. He wanted someone ‘decent’.

Because of this inside knowledge I thought I could spot a ‘player’ a mile off. And I was pretty good at it. I turned down many guys but then there was this one that was different. He was really sweet, didn’t hang around with any troublemakers, he studied hard, talked about his mum, and I fell for him. It was obvious that he was a decent young man.

What an idiot! He was the worst out of the lot, because he pretended to be someone he wasn’t. When he realised that I wasn’t going to give him what he wanted, he turned nasty and soon lost interest.

Don’t be deceived by the sweet talk, the impressive behaviour, the cute smile and all the rest of it. The bottom line is, if a man doesn’t fear God, you’re almost certainly in for a huge disappointment.

Do you want to marry a man of God, someone that isn’t going to deceive you or talk about you – someone that is going to love you and respect you? Concentrate on your relationship with God. Follow what He says. Please Him in everything - then you won’t do anything stupid and you won’t fall for a deceiver. You’ll be talked about for the right reasons and soon enough, you’ll be spotted a mile off by a man of God…

2009-08-24T23:07:00.000+02:00

Although I was born and bred in London, growing up, I loathed the UK. I hated the weather, the food, the rubbish all over the streets, everything. On the other hand, I absolutely loved my parents’ homeland. I loved the sunshine, the sea, the scenery, the people, everything, so much so that I planned to move there as soon as I finished my University degree. But then I met my husband so I ended up staying here. Although I never regretted my decision, a part of me always wished that I lived in another country.

But one day someone said to me. “You know, I’ve been to many cities around the world but London is the most beautiful of all.” I remember thinking, ‘Yeah right’ but then the next time I went out to the City with my husband, I started seeing things with new eyes. I noticed the historic and impressive buildings, the lovely lights at night, the beautiful greenery and gardens everywhere. For the first time, I felt excited to be here, I felt like a tourist.

How many times do we choose to look at the bad in everything? We look at only the negative things around us when there are so many things to marvel at. We look at others and choose to ignore the good qualities and just pick on the bad stuff, as though we were perfect. And then there are those times when we give ourselves a hard time. We beat ourselves up about the wrong decisions of the past, the mistakes made today, even for the way we look. We forget about everything we’ve achieved and overcome, what we’ve learned from our mistakes and that if we look closely enough, there is always something beautiful about us.

We currently live in Wiltshire and honestly, some of the scenery here is amazing. I’ve finally learnt to love the UK and I will adopt this attitude wherever the wind takes us.